Getting Back in a Groove

I would love to be able to say "Getting back in THE Groove" but that is not really what is going down. My life has been an upended whirlwind lately. The more control I have tried to exert, the more I have had to let go and admit that I am a passenger at this point--I am not driving the bus.

I have had good intentions, tried to be a mature grown-up and just generally spent the first half of the year doing everything I thought I should be doing. Now that I am in the second half of the year and sliding toward the end, I can honestly confess that I have no idea where I am heading nor can I give a terribly accurate account of what has happened.

What I do know? I am running out of money, not sure what else I can do to raise funds, living without a traditional job (having attempted the very structured 80-hour-a-week government job somewhere around mid-summer that didn't exactly work out; meanwhile, I am falling in love, feeling amazingly healthy and happy, vacillating between worry, trepidation and elation. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, where I will be living, or who might show up in my life next. It is not that I feel like a victim, although there are definitely forces moving that I don't understand. It is more that I just don't know what is going on or what I should be doing to stop, steer or encourage so I am trying to just stay present and trust that somewhere, somehow, the universe is going to take care of me and all will eventually be revealed...