Will You Marry Me?

With all the confidence in the world, I swore I would never get married again. I just couldn't imagine finding someone that I could, in all good faith, imagine committing myself too on such a level and I was also a bit scarred and jaded by thwarted attempts in the past. I was as confused and conflicted as the next person when I started thinking that maybe I really had finally met "the one" and been lucky enough to merge my life with hers.

It was a sloppy proposal and no, I did NOT get down on one knee. I was mulling and fussing about it for a while and she basically encouraged my confession. While I am enough of a realist to know that I cannot possibly predict the future, what I do know is that I want to be with this person. I am committed to her and I like what "Us" is all about.

So, I find myself engaged and planning a wedding at the age of 43. There are five excited kids, friends who are jumping in with hugs and well-wishes and family members to be informed. The ceremony is important to us--even if the state of Oregon only recognizes domestic partnerships for same sex couples. We have every intention of doing everything we possibly can to make our commitment solid, legal and representational of our connection to each other. This, of course, means that we have stepped into the middle of an evolving debate. What does our partnership mean and how can we legitimize our family and our partnership all the while celebrating the uniqueness that is US and battling the realities of being treated as second-class citizens?

We know that while our marriage is personal and fueled by love and companionship, it is also political and controversial. We know it as we tell our friends and family members and we know it as we prepare to live the rest of our lives in partnership with each other. I refuse to make light of the fact that our getting married takes courage, commitment and a willingness to carve out something new even though it really "shouldn't" be that way.

I am lucky; I have met the most amazing woman in the world and managed to get out of my own way long enough to convince her to entangle her life with mine. I have no idea what the future will bring but what I do know is that we are a team; we are in this life together and I am grateful...