Intentional Family

The counters are cleared and the leftovers are all either sent home with departing loved ones, or tucked away creatively in the bulging fridge. Thanksgiving has passed but this year's feast was abundant in myriad ways:

Fourteen people and two dogs slid into our warm little bungalow: good friends, new friends, three of our five grown children and people from their worlds, former in-laws, a former spouse and his new partner, and even a playmate for Lola (our dog.) There were platters brimming with turkey and ham, steaming potatoes with gravy, salads, veggies, snacks and pies...wherever you turned there was something to eat or drink and someone delightful to talk to.

We are a family--most days, I imagine us to be woefully ordinary but yesterday, I realized there was something extraordinary about the layers of warmth and inclusiveness--Teri and I are both strongly driven by humanitarianism, compassion and a determination to contribute to the world in a positive way (it is a piece of what drew us together) and, for us, it begins with the open door that leads into our sunny, yellow living room.

Our lives only grow more diverse and I am grateful for that. We watched as lesbian friends shook hands with my kids' dad, and Teri and I stood arm in arm as my former in-laws unpeeled their coats and set a gleaming bowl of Waldorf salad on the kitchen counter. Seven hours later, as the last friends were leaving, our daughter Lucy stood up to give our dear friend Joyce a big hug and I realized that we are a modern, intentional, American family. With those present and those absent, we are a web of committed attachment--Teri and I care and are cared about and we all head out into the world carrying a bit of that inclusive, open, compassion with us.

As I crumpled into bed sometime after midnight, it dawned on me that, in some ways, I have given my kids exactly what I wanted to when I started out as a parent, and that I have definitely helped create the sort of world I dreamt of as an optimistic teenager (at least on SOME days and in my most immediate surroundings). As our daughter shared yesterday, she has come to feel grateful for a world where she has MORE of what is good about family through the expanding configuration of hers...more fun, more friends, more love, more celebrations, and a world that feels to grow and not contract.

There were those loved ones we missed yesterday, but they were with us in a deeper sense too--and I am proud to be non-"traditional" in the definitions of the rigid Right. For us, however, our family is amazing; our door is open and our commitment to love and inclusion is woven into every day we are privileged to be in this world...

Happy Thanksgiving!