Emotional Investment

As a long-time single mom, you would think I would learn some major lessons! The fact is, I have to learn them again and again. For example, when I date, I really date for four; I date for a family. The choices that I have made historically have had an impact on not just me and my personal growth and development but the emotions and psyches of my kids. Yeah...I haven't always done such a great job on this. I've apologized over and over again but, well, I still end up feeling like crap...

Not only do I get emotionally invested (and I am determined to continue to be open, vulnerable and optimistic which really invites that emotional stuff) but so do my kids. Well, sometimes only one or two of them--but they do start to move around and make room if they think I am getting interested in someone. My kids are fantastic and they have really made room again and again for new friends, potential partners, volunteer projects, jobs, and other activities. They seem to take after their mom and approach each new person with optimism and an open-mind. Unfortunately, this means some emotional attachment.

I have known single parents who swore that they wouldn't date until the kids were out of the house or grown up but I'm starting to wonder if that is even a reasonable solution for my scene. It may just be that I need to get really picky about who I invite into the inner circle or that I make a pact to live out the second half of my life solo. The fact that I've really been un-partnered for a big chunk of the first half might be an indication of my karma in this department!

But, what is the alternative? I'm not really willing to give up on wanting to share my fabulous life and my amazing kids; and I'm not really willing to skeptically cut people out before I get to know them. What I do need to do, however, is get a little better at protecting those other tender hearts--I may be a little more risky with my own, but I get the feeling that no matter how old my kids get, I will need to consider their emotional investment too.