On Being Me...

I suppose some threshold has been crossed--in the past couple weeks I have had a few conversations with friends that oddly enough came down to one core truth--the inevitable urging we feel to simply be more authentically ourselves. It is a tough one that obviously takes a lifetime to sort out, but I am delighting in realizing that I don't have to listen to all those voices, judgments, opinions, etc. and I don't have to respond to other people's projections of who they wish or want me to be either. All I have to do is just work on peeling away all that crap and letting myself just exist as I am...

Perfect.

I have been accused of being all sorts of things and I haven't the slightest interest in repeating most of them--whether one would think they were "good" or "bad." It doesn't really matter as I'm probably all of those characteristics and accusations and none of them. I have been accused of being "mysterious," "confusing" and an "open book"--none of these descriptions is necessarily true as far as I'm concerned but I don't really have to explain myself to anyone. What I do feel compelled to do is to be loving and vulnerable. By focusing on those two things, I think the rest will likely take care of itself.

Not everyone will "get me" and that's fine; it doesn't really matter. It is always somewhat shocking for me to hear that other people have been talking about me. Why on earth, I wonder, would they have any interest at all in trying to figure me out? After all, they could just ask! But, I get that isn't the way things necessarily work (and who is to say that I would tell them what they actually want to hear?)Mostly, I just assume that I am "out of sight, out of mind" for folks--how surprising to be reminded otherwise.

So, I don't know how to explain it--all I know is that I'm not trying to change or evolve, just "un-do" all the layers that get in the way of my being authentic. I suspect that I am in grand company with all the others who are trying to do the same thing...