Authenticity...

Variations of the word "authentic" have been coming up repeatedly in my world lately--enough that I have realized that this word "authentic" does not necessarily mean the same thing to everyone...

For example, when I use the words authentic or authenticity, I am referring to self-truth--something that is messy, real, and un-judge-able. When I say I am trying to be authentic or that I want authentic connections, I mean that I want to get either intimate with myself or intimate with others in a very real way.

This does not necessarily mean "pretty," "tidy" or exactly as I would imagine...

I have heard other people say they want an "authentic" connection when what they really want is a relationship or connection that fits their needs or is crafted in a way that they think would be right, appropriate or correct. "Authenticity" in this case means that people are behaving according to one person's values.

Authenticity and being authentic is not for the faint-hearted or superficial and it is definitely not tidy. Additionally, I find it is a constant process for me--it reminds me of swimming: floating is easy and I can do it without thinking, but if I want to actually get from place to place with purpose in the water I have to work at it. The minute I stop paddling or stroking my arms, my direction becomes uncontrollable.

I have to constantly ask myself what I need or want or whether or not I am being authentic in the moment. Much of the time I am acting out of habit or fear or whatever (and I am quite certain this is how it is for all of us)--being authentic takes a delving into messy truth that can be a bigger challenge.