My current work calls upon me to be even more politically aware than I’ve had to be in the past. As a matter of fact, I am expected to bring my opinions, viewpoints and experiences as a lesbian woman, mother, and educated female into the sensibility that guides my work. While I feel energized and inspired, there is also a discomfort—every day I read, listen, and experience more and more of the politics of inequality, racism, classism, bigotry, hate, homophobia, militarism and more; every day I am asked to take a stand, form an opinion and advocate for those who might not have a voice. I thought I was “militantly out” before but I am beginning to realize that we all have access to the responsibility to choose to take care of each other, but there are few of us who actually learn how to do that.

I have not learned how to do that yet but I am trying. Some days I get outraged, riled up and horrified at the hateful and ignorant things that humans do to other humans. Other days, I feel inspired by acts of advocacy, love, and compassion. On other days, I feel that I just can’t hear another sad story, homophobic comment, racist slur or ignorant diatribe. I am finding that I do have a capacity and that there are days when I am more vulnerable and emotional—not always the best days for progressive advocacy.

I am still learning to give myself permission to be a person at work—that means that I can be annoyed, short-tempered, tired, overwhelmed and occasionally unprofessional. I can be both rigid and flexible; I can be a taskmaster and I can also be someone who just lets things go. Some days, all I can manage is to just make a list of all the things I SHOULD do. Other days, I can accomplish an amazing amount and find myself thinking how studly I would be if I could just be THAT productive EVERY day.

I try to also remind myself that all those bigots, conservatives and right-wing zealots are human people too. They might not realize the extent of pain and suffering (including death, illness, and horror) that is being perpetrated by hateful and ignorant acts of discrimination and narrow-mindedness. I can only imagine what would make a person want to destroy the life of another person or an entire population of people so I try to remain open—sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Today, I spent the morning out at an alternative high school in Springfield, attending a GLAD day event. I mentored a young man who did a workshop on racism and then I participated as part of a panel talking about “What does family look like?” I experienced a range of feelings during the several hours—I was impressed, inspired, uncomfortable, nervous and proud. I don't mind speaking in front of groups, but I also really enjoyed just being a "fly on the wall" and lending silent support as the kids conducted workshops and talked about the things THEY wanted to talk about. We are talking about things that I never really had the opportunity to talk about when I was in school and in very unfiltered ways.

My elation at participating, however, was dampened on the commute back to work when I read the news report about the young gay couple sentenced to 14 years of hard labor in prison in Malawi (Southern Africa) simply because they became engaged. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37248649/ns/world_news-africa/ I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, horror and anger. My little part just doesn't seem to be nearly enough...