Home...

Today Teri and I finished sorting and packing away all the Christmas decor. We are simpatico when it comes to our holiday decorating calendar--everything goes up on the Friday after Thanksgiving (Decoration Day) and it comes down soon after Christmas. A month of holiday house is perfect and we can start the new year with a fresh, clean, and airy feeling home.

This was our second Christmas together in the same home. This morning, we went through the spiral notebook we use to keep all our hosting, house, and garden stuff in and looked back over the menus, guest lists and notes from the past 12 months and I have been thinking about the process of our joint homemaking ever since.

We are compatible, yet different. There have been power struggles and negotiations--more than I have ever experienced. We are still in search of the new dishes that we would like to choose together and it has been over a year since we started that quest. As we were walking out of Pier One this evening and heading across the parking lot to the Pottery Barn, Teri commented that our differences in taste and preference are not insurmountable, but they are enough to keep things interesting!

We both care very much how our home surroundings feel, smell and look. Color and composition matter to us and we both value comfort, cleanliness and a homey accessibility. I can honestly say that I have never been in a relationship with another person where I shared as much in terms of tasks, cooking, and decorating. We joke about our "candle budget" and fake fight over whose turn it is to use the vacuum, but the end result is that this feels very much like OUR home.

I do not get to have my own way, nor do I have carte blanch over where to hang the artwork (or even which artwork gets to hang on the wall) or where the furniture goes. Fortunately, we both love change and there is seldom resistance to seeing how things would look moved around or changing out the bedding or curtains. There are times, I confess, when I miss my old life where I was the sole homemaker and I could make solo purchases, decide paint colors or rearrange things on a personal whim but I had years and years of that. Sharing a home and sharing a life this time around has taken on a new depth of meaning since we truly share in every aspect of building a home and a haven together.

So a new year is upon us; a new year of decisions, life changes, challenges and adventures. Teri and I have both lived in almost two dozen "houses" each, but this process of making a home together has been unique and fulfilling in a completely new way...

You Just Never Know...

The holidays can be a rugged time for gay/queer people--I just want to put that right out there in a bold opening sentence. The truth is, many have been estranged from family and supposed loved ones for at least a portion of their post-coming-out lives, others may still be sorting through feelings of rejection, different-ness and alienation. Not to mention that there can be constant reminders of holidays, people and places PAST.

We face the precariousness and marginalization that the holiday season brings up: Will our partners be accepted by our families', kids, friends, etc? How will we merge and blend all the areas of our lives? Can we bring our partners to the office party? church party? block party? (or can we even mention their names out loud?) And how do we even know that those people who are civil to our faces aren't the very ones who are gay bashing, hate mongering and voting against anything that might provide basic rights or equality for LGBTQ people? Have you ever stopped to imagine what it is like to have to be cordial, civil and respectful to people who may not be the same way back? Or people you KNOW may walk into the next room and tell a sexist, homophobic, racist or otherwise icky "joke" or anecdote?

In my dream world, here are the very basic ways that LGBTQ folks would be treated during the holiday season:

1. Holiday cards and letters would be addressed to both partners--even if it means taking up an extra line!
2. Invitations would be extended to both partners in a respectful way.
3. Family members would refrain from bigoted comments, remarks, and "jokes" for the entire month of December.
4. Family members and supposed loved-ones would use the preferred pronouns, names, etc. for the entire month of December.
5. Refrain from bringing up painful past events: Who really needs to be reminded of the holidays he/she/they missed when Mom and Dad weren't talking to him/her/them because of coming out, moving out, or other life changes?
6. No pressure to go to church, say the prayers, attend mass, etc. so that our sinful ways can be absolved.

In the past few weeks, I have unwittingly stumbled upon hurtful, bigoted and anti-gay comments, stories, Facebook pages, etc. and I have heard the pain in others' voices as they described holiday cards where partners were obviously omitted--it is not okay, regardless of whether it is to be expected or not. Here's the thing, we KNOW you are out there, we experience the hatred and inequalities on a daily basis and many of us work tirelessly for advocacy and change because of your very attitudes and actions. Could we just have a break during the holidays and could you keep the hate, fear and ignorance for yourself for maybe four or five weeks? We have to walk the high road and put up with it every day of our lives, but in the spirit of the season, we'd like a little peace as well...

Kicking off the Season!

Teri and I decided to embrace the holiday season this year--at least that was the original plan. Of course, we have varying degrees of "spirit" and they rarely coincide, but we are both in such a different place this season than last that it warrants celebration.

After having a house full for Thanksgiving, we swung open the doors a week later for a festive gathering of friends, neighbors, and coworkers. We served up favorite holiday desserts and sweets and had all sorts of "fixins'" for hot toddies and holiday beverages--a hot buttered rum? Eggnog with a nip of brandy? hot orange cider with a little club soda? coffee? cocoa? You get the idea--we just wanted people to get a taste of their holiday favorites and herald in the season with some festivities and fun.

Of course, we hope the mission was accomplished. I know that for us, it feels like the holiday season is in full swing--we are starting our shopping--checking items off the ever-changing list; and trying to enjoy the activities, visiting and treats that this time of year tends to bring. Meanwhile, there is "real life" too--Teri starting a new job, continuing all our projects and causes, and Kori striving to get a budget, work plan and other details all lined up at her work. December has a tendency to be amazing on so many levels!

As the year comes to an end, it truly gives us the opportunity to celebrate how far we have come; to commemorate the milestones of the year and to look forward to the possibilities of the coming year. It may just be a "date" or a "season" but for me, it gives the chance to take stock, enjoy, and experience gratitude for these continuing life cycles...

Yay for the holidays!

Let's Get Down to Work...

I was ready...to get back to work! After being ill, and then tackling the Thanksgiving holiday--I was actually good and ready to get back at my desk and get organized. The month of December can be a kooky one in the work world anyway--there is a paradoxical sense of panic (since the year is ending) and procrastination (since it is the holidays.) It takes some focus and organization to keep things from becoming completely unraveled!

So, I plowed through my in-basket and created a task list for the week, updated my calendar and created a brand new "Grants Prospects" whiteboard for the first part of 2011. It feels good to be focusing on the future and making concrete plans for 2011...

There are budgets to finalize and end-of-the-year tasks to tend to, but there is also a sense of working toward closure for the current year and optimistic progression for the coming one. Of course, I fully understand that the best-laid plans do NOT ensure that all will run smoothly, but it IS nice to be able to close out the books, so to speak, and start fresh. In a few weeks, I am hoping that the evolving year at work will be brighter and better than the one I am trying to wrap up!

Intentional Family

The counters are cleared and the leftovers are all either sent home with departing loved ones, or tucked away creatively in the bulging fridge. Thanksgiving has passed but this year's feast was abundant in myriad ways:

Fourteen people and two dogs slid into our warm little bungalow: good friends, new friends, three of our five grown children and people from their worlds, former in-laws, a former spouse and his new partner, and even a playmate for Lola (our dog.) There were platters brimming with turkey and ham, steaming potatoes with gravy, salads, veggies, snacks and pies...wherever you turned there was something to eat or drink and someone delightful to talk to.

We are a family--most days, I imagine us to be woefully ordinary but yesterday, I realized there was something extraordinary about the layers of warmth and inclusiveness--Teri and I are both strongly driven by humanitarianism, compassion and a determination to contribute to the world in a positive way (it is a piece of what drew us together) and, for us, it begins with the open door that leads into our sunny, yellow living room.

Our lives only grow more diverse and I am grateful for that. We watched as lesbian friends shook hands with my kids' dad, and Teri and I stood arm in arm as my former in-laws unpeeled their coats and set a gleaming bowl of Waldorf salad on the kitchen counter. Seven hours later, as the last friends were leaving, our daughter Lucy stood up to give our dear friend Joyce a big hug and I realized that we are a modern, intentional, American family. With those present and those absent, we are a web of committed attachment--Teri and I care and are cared about and we all head out into the world carrying a bit of that inclusive, open, compassion with us.

As I crumpled into bed sometime after midnight, it dawned on me that, in some ways, I have given my kids exactly what I wanted to when I started out as a parent, and that I have definitely helped create the sort of world I dreamt of as an optimistic teenager (at least on SOME days and in my most immediate surroundings). As our daughter shared yesterday, she has come to feel grateful for a world where she has MORE of what is good about family through the expanding configuration of hers...more fun, more friends, more love, more celebrations, and a world that feels to grow and not contract.

There were those loved ones we missed yesterday, but they were with us in a deeper sense too--and I am proud to be non-"traditional" in the definitions of the rigid Right. For us, however, our family is amazing; our door is open and our commitment to love and inclusion is woven into every day we are privileged to be in this world...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Snow!

Our bit of winter weather has arrived and to tell the honest truth, we are tickled. Sure it is arctic cold out there and we only got about a half inch dusting of the white stuff, but boy howdy how fun it is!

The cats have all come indoors and Lola can't seem to get enough of playing outdoors with the neighbor dog, Izzy. Teri went out and threw snowballs for them and since they BOTH love to chase and catch, they were incredibly entertaining jumping and catching mouthfuls of snow. I look at the photos of myself and notice the grey temples, the wrinkly eyes and realize that I am a woman in her mid-forties and I'm still out there tickled as hell to have a snow day...

Oregon is an amazing state--that is not to say that other states aren't just as amazing--I just know that I am feeling gratitude this morning at being able to experience so much in this part of the country without really having to experience severity--we get to dabble and play without months and months of ice and snow.

So, as we sip our hot cocoa inside a relatively warm house and enjoy the interisting light that is created by the snow-covered skylights, we are definitely feeling ready to embrace the holiday season. It is almost time to bake the pies, make the rolls, roast the turkey and glaze the ham...our winter is here!

Waiting for Weather...

We have been promised snow...as a torturous tease, the weather gurus first said Sunday, and then Monday and now we are told that tonight (Monday night) and Tuesday--definitely...likely...probably...snow.

I wouldn't mind a little of the white stuff...we didn't see a single flake last Winter. I've been outside to unhook all the hoses, have raked fallen leaves onto all the garden beds, cleared away the slippery leaves on the deck and paths and just generally snuggled things in as anticipatory snow storm activities. I'm ready!

Not to mention, Lucy and Jacob came over yesterday afternoon to help me pull down all the Christmas decoration boxes from the loft in the garage. Teri headed out for some shopping with a friend of ours and I figured I could use a little help. They then helped me "floof" out the fake outdoor greenery garland and do some initial outdoor decorating. It was cold! We were watching for snowflakes yesterday and still, rain--cold, blustery, constant rain...

A little of the white stuff would be festive, wintery, and just a bit on the interesting side. I know it is a holiday week and people are traveling and I "get" that cold weather makes it tougher on homeless and vulnerable people--but it is also gorgeous and festive and seasonal in a wintery way. Is it too much to ask for a little follow-through? Just a couple inches dusting of the sugary white snow?

Thanksgiving!

Both Teri and I are excited about Thanksgiving this year...we are hosting the ever-expanding gathering and pleased as pie to be doing so!

Last year we spent Thanksgiving apart and even though our commitment was fairly young, we vowed that we would never spend a major holiday apart again so this is technically, our first joint Thanksgiving. Once we decided to cook, we started putting some invites out there and began letting people know that we were hosting. The current guest list is hovering around 15, 16 people and will likely be closer to twenty. Woot! Woot!

Our two-bedroom bungalow is small...yes indeed...and we do not actually have a separate dining room (we have a little utility room that we use as a breakfast nook but that is about it) so we have been doing some creative planning around how and where to fit and feed that many people but it has been such a fun challenge. As Teri said, everyone knows where we live so they know what they are getting into and STILL, there is interest in wandering over.

We have plans for pies, a couple roast turkeys and a ham--along with all the trimmings. Mostly, we are excited that we will have such a unique collection of family, friends, exes and others gathering to share the day. We feel blessed and tickled that our "Normal Rockwell" Thanksgiving will be all about breaking down barriers and expectations and just being open and hospitable. As we've watched the plans for the day expand, there has been another interesting development: the "after" party. There are several people who have lamented that they can't make it for the feast but could they stop by later that evening or the next day for pie and coffee? Of course...we'll have plenty, the door is open...and my goodness do we have some major abundance to be thankful for!

Election Day 2010

I am not a voting skeptic. I just want to get that out in the open. I realize that many of my friends, colleagues and peers have become embittered and burnt out with the political process. I am still fairly idealistic in a realistic sort of way. Because I have spent decades as an activist and organizer, I understand that individuals TRULY CAN participate in our government and in the "process." While I hear others talk about their disillusionment, I want to say that it is incredibly easy to get involved in the political process here in the United States. Not only do our votes matter and count, but anyone can get involved in local, city, county, state, and even national government. From testifying in front of the city council, to volunteering or starting a committee or task force, to running for office, we all have involvement and influence at our finger tips.

Now, I know that money talks. Boy, do I understand how that works! I have gotten as frustrated as the next person when morons are elected simply because they have more financial backing. But who were the morons or misinformed individuals who voted for them? And how many people simply vote "the party line" and refuse to question their own choices? Citizens and voters have a privilege and a duty to be informed, involved and concerned. When people tell me that either their vote doesn't matter or that "they'll show them" by NOT getting involved, it is all I can do not to seize up. Seriously, if you feel disenfranchised or uninvolved it is your own choice. Get out, do something, get involved and, at the very least, vote. Of course, you may not get your way, but participating in the process is a privilege...

Catching up!

I haven't been blogging--I've just been too busy living! As the winds and rains descend upon us, and I get a little breather in my work world, it seems the time has come to catch up in blogging land!

It is nearly Halloween--our cozy little bungalow is all decked out and ready for the spooky holiday, including more than our share of leaves all over the front and back yard. Teri actually ENJOYS raking leaves and she has been cleaning up the summer garden and converting it into a fall garden (there are plenty of new brasicas and cool weather plants that are still growing out there.) We have been tickled to scatter our home-grown pumpkins and gourds around the house, deck and porch and dried corn stalks from our garden drape the front porch. Very fun!

In the past couple months, Teri and I took our first cross-country trip together as we boarded a plane that took us to New Jersey for her parents' 50th wedding anniversary. It was quite the celebration and I felt priviledged to not only be invited, but to also get the chance to meet ALL of Tiger's relatives and get a good "feel" for where she comes from. We spent an entire day sight-seeing at Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty with her parents, and were able to carve out another day just for wandering around her old teenage "haunts" and soaking up some extremely warm vibes on the Jersey beaches.

Meanwhile, there have been work events, my neice's wedding, the relocation of my sister (who now lives in Eugene!), my son's starting college and turning 18, a daughter starting a new full time job at the deli of a local grocery store, peace rallies, volunteer projects and the addition of a new member of our family (Lola, the beagle who has taken over the house). Whew! no wonder I haven't had time to write!

Stepping Up...

There has been a lot going on--work, home, personal, public. The ongoing challenge for me is to find a way to balance it all and pay attention to what needs attention. Unfortunately, I don't always do the most fabulous job at that. Additionally, my own ego and emotions have a tendency to assert themselves at the most inopportune time. As much as I want to do everything perfectly, that just isn't always possible.

Teri's sister and brother-in-law have been visiting for the past week. As much as I tried to juggle my work schedule, I have had some responsibilities to tend to and probably could have been more attentive both at home and at work, but instead, I'm juggling. On the other side, I am still learning what is expected of me in both places. It is one thing to be striving to build a relationship when it is just the two, another to figure out who fits where in the larger scheme of things. There are unique realities to being involved with an identical twin that I find I am completely unprepared for. I thought I had relationship skills but they are woefully underdeveloped!

At work there is a culture I am negotiating; at home I find there is also a new culture that must be negotiated as well. I know it must be possible but I'm still trying to figure it out. What I have learned is that I need a little help in stepping up. I know that I need to get to a more competent place and I imagine that is one of the realities of relationships and continuing down the path of personal journey. When we first get into something, we imagine that we can do it perfectly. Of course, humanity and time take over and inevitably, we become a real person struggling with real challenges. It is up to me to figure out how to step up...

A Little Sunshine, A Little Play, and Feelin' Groovy

I was starting to think I was borderline clinically depressed; I was wondering if it wasn't perimenopause, hormones or some uncontrollable physical condition causing me to feel off, crabby, and generally un-satisfied. The fact was that I (and thousands of other Oregonians) just needed some bright sunshine, warm days and some play!

Saturday, we waited with grumbling baited breath for the clouds to clear and the long-promised sun to arrive. Sure enough, by around 11 am, the blue sky shone through and it started getting warmer. Teri and I were joined by our friend Vicki (who lives in Salem) and my son Stuart as all four of us got on our bicycles and rode the trails, paths and lanes to the Saturday Market. We had lunch, sat in the sun, swatted at bees and wandered around as the afternoon warmed up. We even checked out the new Voodoo Doughnuts--lingering over our sugary confections.

After Stuart headed off, Vicki, Teri and I rode up to Shelton-McMurphy-Johnson house and then home along the very busy river trail. After a brief nap in the afternoon breeze, we three got dressed and headed out to the Hotflash dance to get our groove on with the fantastic and energized crowd of ladies. Whooo Hoo!

Riding, dancing, gardening and eating fresh watermelon and pineapple--what joys! Sunday morning, we sat out on our deck in the sun and ate chocolate chip pancakes as we also sipped our hot coffee. While sitting there, I noticed a strange looking little bug and realized that we had baby ladybug larvae! The ladybugs had done their thing and the new babies are hatching in the garden! Teri and I were ecstatic.

We will likely get a little more rain in a few days but then more sun is promised. It is not nearly as warm today but just the brightness: the blue, the breeze, the waving and bending trees make a huge difference in my temperament. As I told Teri on Sunday morning after miles of riding and plenty of dancing: I feel ten years younger! And all it took was for the clouds to part.

Summer, Summer, Where Are You?

We have been in a holding pattern--waiting for summer amidst quarts and quarts of rain. The last few days have brought a little break and the garden is shaking itself off and trying to take advantage of some warmer, dryer days to GROW. About a week and a half ago, Teri and I purchased 1500 ladybugs (okay, not all of them were actually alive) and set them free throughout the garden. There are still plenty out there (I am not sure where they went during the relentless downpours)and it is such a delight to wander through the garden and see them speckled among the plants.

Some of our early-planted "experiments" have not made it through the damp, cool period. Yes, I am THAT sort of gardener--one who risks weather and time to try to extend the growing season. The good thing is that we have an attitude of positivity about the whole thing and it is only the melons that didn't make it. Some cucumbers endured serious snail and slug attack but they seem to be bouncing back. Teri brought me some replacement and different melon plants yesterday and I plan to find space for them in the garden today (it is a perfect, overcast, transplanting day.)

It isn't just the garden that is ready for summer, but I am too! I want to do summer things, eat summer food, and just generally slip into the mode and joys of my favorite month. I know its coming, it is just that my patience is drowning in all this rain...

More Fun Please...

Things have been busy! Lots of work, worry and just general grown-up stuff and not nearly enough sunshine and play. Of course, the weather has had something to do with the feelings of heaviness but busy schedules and long "to do" lists have also contributed.

Teri and I got very spoiled in that neither one of us was working the "real" job for several months and despite all the transitions we waded through, we still got to spend a great deal of time with each other. It was a decadent gift and now that we are back to the real world, I miss it!

I know that summer is on the horizon (if ever the rain clouds clear long enough to let the sun peek through) and that should bring more fun activities, visits and general play. I find that I am very protective of my free time--I just don't want to spend it doing things or being with people that require too much "work"--it IS leisure and relaxation that I am craving, after all.

Waterlogged and Wading

Rain, rain go away... We have been having so much rain lately that it is starting to take its toll on the spirits of the natives. I am seldom one to complain about the weather and as long as it keeps changing, I am normally fine. Unfortunately, other than a peek or two of the sun now and again, it has been in the 50's and raining...a lot!

I ride my bike to and from work regardless of the weather, but I've noticed that Teri and I are less likely to go out and do things if we know we are going to get cold and wet. Our activity level has dwindled a bit due to the weather and neither one of us is very happy about that. We are moody and feeling closed up and claustrophobic. Even the garden isn't providing much fun since it is just too wet and grey to get out and play around. The transplanted tomatoes, pumpkins, etc. are just sitting and waiting for a bit of warmth and sun just like the rest of us! The only happy creatures seem to be the slugs and snails who are happily munching away in the wet.

So, I am not alone in whining for summer. It would be lovely to spend some extended time soaking up the sun, feel a little warmth on my face and be able to watch some of the veggies and flowers grow in the garden. Heck, it would be nice to just take a bicycle ride without having to gear up and prepare for the showers and puddles! As Memorial Day approaches, it does not look as though we are going to see our share of the sunshine any time soon. Grumble, grumble, grumble...

My current work calls upon me to be even more politically aware than I’ve had to be in the past. As a matter of fact, I am expected to bring my opinions, viewpoints and experiences as a lesbian woman, mother, and educated female into the sensibility that guides my work. While I feel energized and inspired, there is also a discomfort—every day I read, listen, and experience more and more of the politics of inequality, racism, classism, bigotry, hate, homophobia, militarism and more; every day I am asked to take a stand, form an opinion and advocate for those who might not have a voice. I thought I was “militantly out” before but I am beginning to realize that we all have access to the responsibility to choose to take care of each other, but there are few of us who actually learn how to do that.

I have not learned how to do that yet but I am trying. Some days I get outraged, riled up and horrified at the hateful and ignorant things that humans do to other humans. Other days, I feel inspired by acts of advocacy, love, and compassion. On other days, I feel that I just can’t hear another sad story, homophobic comment, racist slur or ignorant diatribe. I am finding that I do have a capacity and that there are days when I am more vulnerable and emotional—not always the best days for progressive advocacy.

I am still learning to give myself permission to be a person at work—that means that I can be annoyed, short-tempered, tired, overwhelmed and occasionally unprofessional. I can be both rigid and flexible; I can be a taskmaster and I can also be someone who just lets things go. Some days, all I can manage is to just make a list of all the things I SHOULD do. Other days, I can accomplish an amazing amount and find myself thinking how studly I would be if I could just be THAT productive EVERY day.

I try to also remind myself that all those bigots, conservatives and right-wing zealots are human people too. They might not realize the extent of pain and suffering (including death, illness, and horror) that is being perpetrated by hateful and ignorant acts of discrimination and narrow-mindedness. I can only imagine what would make a person want to destroy the life of another person or an entire population of people so I try to remain open—sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Today, I spent the morning out at an alternative high school in Springfield, attending a GLAD day event. I mentored a young man who did a workshop on racism and then I participated as part of a panel talking about “What does family look like?” I experienced a range of feelings during the several hours—I was impressed, inspired, uncomfortable, nervous and proud. I don't mind speaking in front of groups, but I also really enjoyed just being a "fly on the wall" and lending silent support as the kids conducted workshops and talked about the things THEY wanted to talk about. We are talking about things that I never really had the opportunity to talk about when I was in school and in very unfiltered ways.

My elation at participating, however, was dampened on the commute back to work when I read the news report about the young gay couple sentenced to 14 years of hard labor in prison in Malawi (Southern Africa) simply because they became engaged. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37248649/ns/world_news-africa/ I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, horror and anger. My little part just doesn't seem to be nearly enough...

Weekend Explorations...

This past weekend, Teri and I decided to head North to Scappoose to check out an Bed & Breakfast Inn that we are considering as a possible location for our ceremony in 2011. We invited two of our daughters, the twenty year-olds Lucy and Leah to go along with us. We have had the trip planned for several weeks and, alas, I came down with a killer cold a day before we left and, yes, it definitely affected my ability to play and relate throughout the weekend!

So much came out of the weekend: a chance for the girls to get to know each other better, opportunities to see different parts of the state including Seaside, Scappoose, Tillamook, etc., and continued explorations for Teri and I in how we relate to each other. Debriefing after the three-day whirlwind, we realized that while we are both in our mid-forties and we have both been moms, partners, etc. for a long time, we are not "old and seasoned" in our relationship. That is still quite new and evolving. We are still learning how to communicate, deal with various situations, and we are still unveiling various sides of ourselves as we get to know each other. We are definitely NOT a seasoned couple who can finish each other's sentences, read each other's minds and anticipate what might be going on. To be honest, I don't know if either of us wants to get to that place. What we do know is that we are committed to the process and we reminded ourselves this past weekend that we do need to be gentle with that process.

We are still learning; it is NOT always a blooming bed of roses--sometimes there is rain, compost and other little pesky realities that go into growing a healthy rose bush. We might be "old" ladies but we are a "young" couple/partnership and we are definitely continuing in the explorations of getting to know each other. Fortunately, life is cooperating just fine in giving us plenty of opportunities to continue exploring...

In The Garden...

The garden is evolving, despite the fact that it is all relatively new. Where there was nothing but moss and mud, there are now a half dozen vegetable beds full of all sorts of things: worms, plants, insects, food...

I would spend more time in the yard if I could get away with it. While I do not have the solitary, soul-feeding experience in this garden that I have had in other ones (I am seldom actually alone in the garden and I just don't have the time to spend hours working in the yard at this point in my life), I am finding that getting my fingers muddy and watching things grow is something I have missed.

I do love wandering out into the garden with my harvesting basket and gathering up a meal's worth of food and I am enjoying sharing the garden with Teri. It is quite new for me to have someone who is interested in weeding, planting and keeping up with what is going on out there in the beds. It is pretty typical for both of us to take visitors and guests out on a "tour" of the burgeoning beds.

So, as we fight with the dogs and cats and try to keep them out of the garden beds, and as we negotiate around a very unpredictable onslaught of weather (do we cover the peppers? plant the peppers? let them alone for the night?), and as we share various philosophies around what should and shouldn't be grown and HOW it should or shouldn't be grown, the garden evolves. The worms are multiplying in the compost heap, the ladybugs are finding their way to the plants and a spring season unfolds in a brand new garden...

Developing a Passion...

In a very short time, I have gone from someone who "wasn't sure that I liked it" to an avid bicyclist. Okay, so I am still not willing to dump thousands of dollars into a bike (yet) and I am neither speedy nor heading out for cross-country road trips (yet)--but I do look forward to my daily bike rides and I miss it when I am too busy to ride.

Both Tiger and I have been tinkering and messing with my bike to make it smoother and more ride-able and it gets easier and easier for me. It WAS pretty darn sluggish there in the beginning. Yesterday, I went out for about a 6 mile ride just for the fun of it! Strange to be on my bike for an hour and not feel the urge to stop or head home. If it hadn't started raining there at the end, I might have tried to squeeze in a little more riding.

As I use the bike to run errands, go to meetings and appointments and just generally consider riding as a way to not only get someplace, but to get out and enjoy the world, I find that I am gaining confidence, strength and stamina and just generally developing a bit of a passion. Since I can now "almost" keep up with Teri, it is much more fun going for rides together. I LOVE that we are both into it and it is great fun to hop on our bikes and head off together to Lesbian coffee or for an afternoon at the bookstore.

As Teri said the other day, the weather is only going to get warmer and dryer in the foreseeable future so this is the perfect time to develop the passionate habit for riding!

Learning More about Advocacy and Activism

I have decided to take on a project even though I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I admit that it is a bit of a "personal project" although I figure if I'm bothered by it, then certainly others are as well.

Since I have been riding my bike more and more and choosing to commute to work, I am becoming increasingly aware of what does and doesn't exist in terms of trails, paths, routes and amenities for cyclists. I have also been walking, busing, etc. for a few years since I decided to learn how to live without a car. When Teri and I moved into our house together on Willow Avenue, I actually just moved across the river from where I was living but, interestingly enough, the bike and pedestrian trails on the EAST side of the river are better cared for, newer, smoother and better lit while the ones on our WEST side have no lighting from the Valley River Center bridge north.

The lack of lighting presents a problem for commuters and is definitely a safety hazard. Teri and I have had to take into consideration when we ride our bikes to the movie theater or to shop and wander at the mall. WHY NOT have decent lighting along the West side?

Well, I have no idea what the process or protocol is for proposing a public works project so I am learning. I started out emailing the city Public Works department and got a very quick and personal response. They are forwarding my query on to the Parks and Open Space staff and we'll just see what happens next. I figure that I have a very clear idea of what I'd like to see happen and why, now I get to learn how to advocate and how to be an activist for such a project...

A Day Spent in the Garden

One of the anticipated joys of moving into the house here on Willow Avenue was that Tiger and I could actually have a garden. It had been years since I grew veggies and flowers and while I had started to miss it with townhouse living, I hadn't realized HOW MUCH I missed it until I started digging beds, rejuvenating the compost and making a plan for growing some plants!

Our garden is not huge, just a half-dozen raised beds, but I reminded how much organic food can be grown in such a small space. A couple weeks ago, we started to pull a few snippets out of the garden for salads and seasonings, but two nights ago, Teri and I finally had our first "all-garden" salad with supper. I couldn't help but think it was something to be celebrated.

In the short time we have been gardening here, we have battled the neighbor's dogs, our own cats, quite the clan of squirrels who want to bury walnuts in the soft dirt, and snails and slugs. I can only imagine what other challenges are heading our way! Still, I take absolute delight in wandering out there, pulling a few weeds and taking stock of how things are growing. It is still too cool to put any of the "warm season" crops in, but all the cool season stuff--cabbage, lettuce, garlic, potatoes, etc. are all doing just fine. Meanwhile, it IS getting warm enough to generate some of those weed seeds!

This morning, I spent hours using a hand saw and axe to cut up a tree that had fallen down in the backyard a month or so ago. I decided to use the big parts as edging around the veggie beds to hopefully provide a little more structure and to further keep the dogs from tromping through (now that the plants are big enough that I've had to remove some of the wire I was using to keep the dogs out). It looks pretty fun, if I do say so myself and now I just have to content with a few blisters and some sore muscles!

Easter

Well it was quite the weekend! While it definitely was NOT the easy-going spring holiday I generally like, I do feel quite accomplished at having made it through. REALLY, what I feel is extremely blessed to have such a full, REAL life!

One of the things that Teri and I are equally determined to do is to build a new, combined family out of our two worlds. With a collection of kids between us: biological, "chosen" and those who have come via other kids, we both value our version of family and it is important to us to find a way to merge, mingle and nurture the new version. It is also important to both of us that our extended families get comfortable (or at least tolerate) that we are together so we are working hard to construct a strong base for what all this merging might look like!

Friday night, we had six of the "kids" over for dinner, egg-dying and general Easter merriment. Of course, I was not entirely merry with the recent passing of my grandmother, but we tried. It was amazing how crammed our little bungalow (which generally feels quite comfy for the two of us) can feel when we add 6 young adults!

Stuart and Leah stayed overnight which was also fun--knowing that there were "kids" in the house again brings out even stronger veins of "mother" for both of us. Stuart rode down to Roseburg and Grandma Peggy's funeral with Tiger and I, while Lucy and Jacob drove on their own. The service was a very true and honest representation of Grandma--I felt blessed to be able to contribute and participate (and Stu served as a pall bearer with calm stoicism.)The Nickson side of my family is very important to me and I just haven't been able to stay as connected as I'd like since I've gotten OLD. Just being able to "be" with my aunts and process the changes was wonderful.

Easter was, in some ways, like Easters past, but the differences were noticeable. So much death in the past year and a half, as well as the addition of more family members meant that it felt different. The activities might have been the same but the family continues to morph and change. I cannot help but be amazed and impressed with how we all open ourselves to those changes.

As my friend Doreen shared with me recently, there is always room for more love; it isn't necessarily the same--people change and lives change--but there is always room for more. Perhaps this is one of the great reminder lessons of Spring and Easter: things do NOT stay the same; they do not always come back exactly as they were before but life is for the living and the important thing is to continue on--warmly, openly and with hope...

Grandma Peggy

My Aunts asked if I would write the Eulogy for my Grandma Peggy's passing--she died a couple days ago at the age of 79:

There are those who crave fame and influence—striving to get the world at large to pay attention and take notice; and then there are those individuals who through their dedication to the ordinary details and attachments of life actually create and influence an entire world around them. Peggy Nickson was this woman; a woman who built a family, influenced an extended circle of friends and, with her husband Darrell, shaped an ordinary corner of the world into something special.

There was something forever reliable and steadfast about Peggy—whether as mother to her children Darrell “Skip”, Janice, and Aileen; or as a daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother, or friend, she was one sure presence in a world that was forever changing. It didn’t matter what the circumstance or how insecure, challenging or unpopular, here was a woman who would step in with an understated grace and do whatever she could to nurture and care for the real people struggling and affected. The Nickson home was one where the door was always open and there was always room at the table, a warm bed, and a listening ear for those who needed an understanding dose of family—and Peggy was forever at the heart of that growing and inclusive family.

Peggy just seemed to know that life was in the ordinary living of the details—the pot of hot coffee or a cold beer, the drawer of toys that always seemed to have something different in it, forty years’ worth of coloring books that lived in the coffee table, or the ever-changing display of recent photos and postcards. It was so easy to spend hours at the Nickson home simply visiting because both Peggy and Darrell had an easy way of just being present—you knew if you stopped by, they would take time, sit down and simply share themselves.

Peggy would drop everything to be there when friends, family and neighbors were having a difficult time—she was definitely one to take in “strays”—whether it was one of the many cats or dogs that found a home; or one of the many people who found a family. One of the elements that made Peggy so incredibly special was that she had the ability to reach out and support without ever seeming judgmental—a person just felt welcome, accepted and loved without feeling judged, regardless of the situation or circumstance.

Never one to shy away from progress, Peggy somehow managed to seem “hip” in the way she embraced new appliances, products, and technology. Instead of shunning the arrival of the computer, Peggy was emailing grandchildren into her eighties. Despite her very solid and dependable demeanor, Peggy was definitely not someone who was afraid of change or adjusting with the twists and turns of life. She was willing to try the “newest,” keep up with politics and current events, and learn how to evolve with the changing world. She was always quite the perky presence in her jeans and Keds as she chauffeured kids, ran errands, or headed off for the weekly trip to Bi-Mart.

Through it all, Peggy had an easy sense of humor and it was not hard to get a smile or laugh out of her. She delighted in hearing stories of life’s adventures and it didn’t matter how young or old you were, she seemed to be able to relate to whatever tales and trials you were going through. She loved to hold babies, tend to children, and was likely to make sure everyone had a beverage, a snack and something to do. She was always willing to share her latest crochet project (she had a fondness for bold yarn colors and seemed to be always working on another afghan), her gardening attempts at thwarting the determined deer, or an organizing or home improvement project. For someone who came across as so easy-going, Peggy always had projects in the works.

In middle-age, Peggy became an avid genealogist. She painstakingly collected records and information on family history and was proud to share all that she discovered with family and friends. She connected with distant relations and discovered generations of connections and data as not only a personal project, but as an offering to her family. Through her efforts, photos, details and a better understanding of the “family tree” are available to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

It is impossible to sum up the entire life of a person in a few paragraphs; just as it can be extremely challenging to try to pin down a focus or a purpose for one person’s life. Each person here today has memories of time with Peggy; each person has an idea or opinion of who she was and what she stood for. She was known as Mom, Mother, Aunt Peggy, Grandma and many other warm monikers and it is through all these attachments that the incredible life of Peggy Nickson takes shape. If Peggy and Darrell Nickson set out to do anything together as young, beautiful, teenage lovers, it was to build a family. Blowing together from their two separate directions, they determinedly and lovingly provided the roots of stability and protection that branched out in dozens of directions. Peggy did not try to mold each individual to fit a structured idea of what that family “should” be, but instead she was the inspiration for celebrating all the differences and uniqueness that each new addition brought to that “family” tree. She was forgiving, accommodating and always willing to give a little bit more of herself—while she will be missed for all her strength and maternal dedication, it is likely that all of us who have been touched by her life, will carry some of that open warmth and acceptance with us as we reach out into our worlds.

April Showers...

Supposedly the saying is that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb but as we face the last couple days of March, it actually feels more like January! Rain, wind and snow in the mountains all remind us that it isn't exactly the mellow warm season yet.

Still, I have been riding my bike to work (as has Tiger) and despite the wet bluster, I am actually starting to ENJOY it! I like knowing that I am getting some activity and exercise without having to do much planning around it and it couldn't be easier for me to get to work by bike. It takes some bundling and willingness to be uncomfortable, but I'm learning how to deal with that a little better too.

The other evening, Tiger and I went for a nice walk though the neighborhood--something we hadn't done in a while. Despite the fact that both of us bike up and down Park Street almost daily, we hadn't really been off into the other parts of the neighborhood since everyone's Christmas lights were still up. It was fun seeing all the blooming flowers and smelling the fresh-cut grass (granted, this was on Saturday evening--the one warm sunny day we have seen in the past several and folks had been out getting whatever yard work they could accomplished during the day.) We are still getting a feel for our new neighborhood and we mused that we were in the midst of our second season in the house on Willow Avenue.

So, even if March is NOT going out like a lamb, maybe the upcoming April showers WILL bring May flowers...

The Crash

As I have been biking more and more as a mode of transportation, I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually have an accident. As Tiger and I were biking for an afternoon at the bookstore, I attempted to get up on the sidewalk via a business driveway to avoid a car smushing in on me and there was a graduated and lumpy lip on the driveway. I landed face first on the pavement and fortunately came away with basic surface injuries. Helmet was on and I do think the hard plastic visor that extends from my helmet helped keep me from battering my face up more than I did.

No stitches, no broken bones and the bike was fine as well. I figured it could have been worse--that loosely driven car could have hit me or I could have crashed in the street instead of up on the sidewalk/driveway pavement. While my vanity has been triggered, I really am quite lucky and quite grateful to be fine and healing rather rapidly.

The crash has not deterred me in my resolve to continue learning how to be a bike commuter! The next day, Tiger and I both mounted our bikes and rode off to have coffee with the ladies before riding to the mall for lunch and, finally, for a delayed visit to the bookstore. Tomorrow, despite predictions for continuing rain showers, I will be heading out to work on my bike again. I know the exercise is good for me, I actually enjoy the effort and the process and I feel really great about continuing my determined efforts to drive cars as little as possible.

I am also hoping that my meager efforts will inspire others to give it a try. Yes, I know I am in my mid-forties and not exactly anyone's idea of a bike commuter--middle-aged, a bit on the heavy side, and I don't have a fancy bike or fancy gear. HOWEVER, it is relatively easy, feels great and every little bit we all do is important.

Will You Marry Me?

With all the confidence in the world, I swore I would never get married again. I just couldn't imagine finding someone that I could, in all good faith, imagine committing myself too on such a level and I was also a bit scarred and jaded by thwarted attempts in the past. I was as confused and conflicted as the next person when I started thinking that maybe I really had finally met "the one" and been lucky enough to merge my life with hers.

It was a sloppy proposal and no, I did NOT get down on one knee. I was mulling and fussing about it for a while and she basically encouraged my confession. While I am enough of a realist to know that I cannot possibly predict the future, what I do know is that I want to be with this person. I am committed to her and I like what "Us" is all about.

So, I find myself engaged and planning a wedding at the age of 43. There are five excited kids, friends who are jumping in with hugs and well-wishes and family members to be informed. The ceremony is important to us--even if the state of Oregon only recognizes domestic partnerships for same sex couples. We have every intention of doing everything we possibly can to make our commitment solid, legal and representational of our connection to each other. This, of course, means that we have stepped into the middle of an evolving debate. What does our partnership mean and how can we legitimize our family and our partnership all the while celebrating the uniqueness that is US and battling the realities of being treated as second-class citizens?

We know that while our marriage is personal and fueled by love and companionship, it is also political and controversial. We know it as we tell our friends and family members and we know it as we prepare to live the rest of our lives in partnership with each other. I refuse to make light of the fact that our getting married takes courage, commitment and a willingness to carve out something new even though it really "shouldn't" be that way.

I am lucky; I have met the most amazing woman in the world and managed to get out of my own way long enough to convince her to entangle her life with mine. I have no idea what the future will bring but what I do know is that we are a team; we are in this life together and I am grateful...

A New Professional Chapter

Sometimes, the universe seems to have plans of its own. I have long believed that when things fall into place in a near-magical way, it is important to take heed and listen to the directions the universe seems to be advocating. About two weeks ago, I woke up realizing that it was definitely time to go back to work and that perhaps, getting back into nonprofit management might be where I could be the most valuable and find some fulfilment. Yesterday, I sat around a table at the Community Alliance of Lane County (CALC) and discussed the particulars of my new job as Co-director (Development and Administration.)

This dynamic local organization works to promote, educate and mobilize for peace, human dignity, and social, racial and economic justice. I am excited to be working for an organization whose mission I can support 100% and it is also amazing to be hired not only for my years of nonprofit experience but also because I am an out and active lesbian. It dazzles me. I am looking forward to immersing myself in diversity and social justice causes and I get to do many of the "fiscal" and "development" things that I am good at.

While my career has taken some twists and turns and a few years ago, I was convinced that I really needed a break from nonprofit, it is intriguing to find that I am back in social and public service and it feels a bit like coming home...

Simple Pleasures

Scaling back and getting my feet back under me have become a major focus as this year unfolds. While I definitely don't anticipate an "easy" ride for the next several months, I am focusing on trying to feel a bit grounded again after a year or so of very major, very heavy changes. Tiger and I call our little bungalow here on Willow Avenue our "Practice House" and for me, it is all about rejuvenation, reinforcement and just focusing in on the ordinary simple realities of life in order to bolster myself for more of the inevitable.

I am trying to take notice of the little things and soak up the obvious pleasures--a full moon rising in a sky full of fluffy clouds, a brilliant spring sunrise all pink and blue, the new seedlings poking their heads up in the freshly dug garden beds. I cannot help but see this as an opportunity to refocus on the things that I enjoy, the things that feed my soul, and the things that give me pleasure.

Kids continue to grow up and stretch out (across the country really) and my own life continues to unfold in directions that I would have never predicted. I can't worry about the future right now, I can only fall in and float in the present. Surely there will be more changes, more funerals, more comings and goings, and the best thing I can do right now is to just be in it--RIGHT NOW.

Spring!

The sweet peas are starting to stretch their stems up along the front of the house and the green peas are sprouting in the freshly dug veggie beds out back. Little leaves and buds are popping out on shrubs and trees and yes, the first of the daffodils are blooming in the yard. Amazing to see the determined signs of spring here in the new house and the new neighborhood.

Since we have no idea how long we will be in this house and, to be honest, we keep thinking of our stay here in terms of a year--we are savoring the seasons as they creepingly unfold. We have had our winter and now we are watching as things start to grow and fluff and leaf out along the lot here on Willow Avenue.

The garden beckons and I get out in it whenever I can assure that I can have a little quiet, uninterrupted time to get a little muddy and plant a few seeds. We are still figuring out how to garden with a yard full of dogs, cats, squirrels and other wildlife. Yesterday, I went out to find that the earliest row of lettuce I had planted had been eaten completely. A few sad stems left wilting but all the tender new sprouted leaves obviously served as a delicious feast for some creature. Meanwhile the mustard greens growing right beside the lettuce patch were left untouched. Tiger and I had a bit of a chuckle wondering what creature had delighted in the tasty treats.

So, we put up some wire across a few beds--just to try to deter dogs and cats a little, and while I was turning over the compost pile I resuscitated a couple months ago, I noticed it was warm and steamy--which means that it definitely HAS come to life and is a fully functional pile now. Very exciting.

Things are growing, the sun is shining, it is not exactly warm--but it is definitely early spring...and I am so into it!

Valentine's Day

Teri and I spent Valentine's Day on the Oregon coast--a mild day with a little drizzle inland, but while we were on the beach it was glorious and sunny. We happened to hit the beach right at high tide and got to experience crashing waves, churning foam and all sorts of dramatic natural elements as we wandered along.

What was miraculously fun for us was all the natural reminders of love we found as we traipsed along: heart-shaped shells and rocks, embracing and entangled kelp and twigs--it was if all around us, the natural world wanted to make sure we didn't miss the obviousness.

Neither Teri nor I are ones to subscribe to showers of love once a year and I like to look for heart-shaped rocks year-round but there was just no missing the call to let ourselves slip into the easiness of a glorious day yesterday. And yet, it was just a day--the rain fell on us for the beginning of the drive and then the sun opened up when we got to the beach. There was wind and drizzle and slow lines when we wandered into "Mo's" for some chowder and clam fritters. On the way home, only about 10 miles from home--Tiger's sweet little Ford Escort Sandy died a very undramatic death and we easily pulled off the main road, called for the tow truck and waited an hour as it got dark and the truck finally managed to find us. It could have been traumatic, but it was almost ordinary in its being just a typical life adventure.

Teri went to a worried place; a stressed place; and I know that she has had Sandy for a very long time--her entire time in Oregon--and it is hard NOT to immediately see dollar signs and such when these sorts of stumbles and speed bumps happen but I know we didn't get to be this age because of our inability to be resilient, creative and accept that life is ups AND downs. And if the DOWNS are completely manageable, that is something to be grateful for.

After a pleasant-enough ride from the tow-truck driver, we poured ourselves some sparkling wine, made a big plate of nachos and I insisted on some comedy to watch. An hour of hearty laughter later and things just seemed a lot more acceptable--it was a lovely, miraculous and beautiful day. I feel grateful, appreciative and still absolutely tickled to be on this grand adventure known simply as life...

Compatibilities

February marks the third month at Willow Avenue--in some ways, we feel rather settled: the boxes are unpacked, dozens of meals have been cooked in perky red kitchen; a half-dozen parties and gatherings have taken place under the pointy roof. In other ways, we are still finding our way and learning how to live together. I get a kick out of it when friends ask,"How is it going?" The truth is, it depends on which day or week the question gets asked!

What I can say is that this version of cohabitation is different from any I have done before--there are no kids to tend to and while we are both constantly touching base and interacting with our kids, it is different since no one is currently living at home. I know this is new and different for both of us--two mothers under one roof and no children.

There are also very strong veins of similarities and compatibilities that are constantly being discovered. While we are two very different people, we have similar approaches to housework, time management, socialization, etc. Neither of us is really jealous, controlling or possessive by nature so there is a great deal of space and freedom in the midst of some pretty regular closeness and most of the time it feels downright friendly.

It fascinates me to hear and see the way people come together and manage to build lives together--especially in scenes like ours where there are not set roles, gender expectations or cultural conventions to dictate who does what. We also have the benefit (or curse) of decades of experiences and learned life lessons to draw upon. I find that while I still feel rather youthful in some ways, I catch myself making very conscious decisions to approach things differently when we have disagreements, miscommunications, or simply moody moments. While I am still challenging to live with, I am not nearly as challenging as I was twenty years ago! I own up to my own stuff.

It is still early; we are still working out the details and we haven't decided WHAT to do with the "blue room" yet--but the adventure is well worth the risk...

Festivities, Play and Parties...

I love birthdays and delight in milking every bit of celebration possible out of a person's "special day." By combining my life with Teri's, I have not only partnered with a fellow Aquarius, but our birthdays are only seven days apart and she is as delighted by birthday celebrations as I am. The secret that I have discovered about birthdays is the harder you share them, the better they get!

Tiger has spent the last week opening gifts and cards and reveling in being "the birthday girl." We decided to send out a joint invite to friends and family offering up a few opportunities to celebrate with us and last night there were twenty people who joined us at PRI (Pizza Research Institute) to eat fabulous food, play, and just experience some joy. When I look at the pictures, I see so many smiles and gleeful faces that it reassures me. The economy may be in the toilet and each and every one of those people may have individual woes and problems--but when we all come together to smile and laugh...magic happens.

I have been working a great deal in the past couple weeks and trying to carve out a place for work in my new life; trying to think about work in new ways and follow my heart and soul in the direction it seems to be leading me. Teri, too, has been moving forward with some major vocation changes and it is wonderful to watch her branch out, stretch her wings and try new things. Meanwhile, I am delighted to find that we both maintain our need to play--we need to get out and go dancing, giggle with friends, offer up a hug or two and just generally keep some festivities in our life to balance out the rest.

So, on to some more play and parties--music, dancing, friends, food...Yes! (Oh, and now I get to wallow in my birthday for a few days too!)

Making Work Work...

My relationship to work is in flux--it has been a few months since I have had the "traditional job" but that does not mean that I haven't been working or "fundraising" as I have preferred to think of it for the past several years. I still do NOT feel a strong desire to get back into the nine-to-five grind of working even though I am completely open to something suitable and have been searching, staying open and sending out the 'ole resume. What I do feel a consistent desire to keep doing, however, is to keep up the writing work and that really hasn't faltered during the last few years.

Carving out the time, space, and focus to keep working is not always easy. It IS work and finding a balance between being creative and NOT giving up on the "real" writing all the while using my skills to generate regular income is a challenge. Boy oh boy, is it a challenge! Finding the courage to listen to my soul and continue to pour energy and effort into the writing is an even harder challenge. It is hard to explain why I think this is the right work for me and it is definitely hard to figure out how to make real money at it instead of going out and getting a job at something I have done before. I am trying to be easy and encouraging with myself.

I do know that if I stay focused and do the work, it is easier to keep working. I also know that I feel productive and creative and the more I write, the more I think about writing so that is a good thing too. What I don't know is what the future brings or whether or not I will need to abandon the efforts to do the writing work to get something more lucrative and societally sanctioned. Meanwhile, I try to stay focused and I try to stay positive about finding new ways to make work...work.

"Are You Kori?"

It was exactly one year ago that Teri swaggered over to where I was sitting at Wandering Goat on a Saturday morning and asked me, "Are you Kori?" She was looking for information on a book group and had been told that I would be the gal who could help. This introduction or "meeting" has become part of our myth and we get to tell it over and over again when people ask how we met. Of course, neither one of us had any idea where we would be twelve months later.

Was it love at first sight? Definitely not. Did I think she was cute? Absolutely. I think she just thought I was someone who could help her connect to other things going on in the community. In reality, however, we did start getting to know each other as friends right away and if I am to be honest, I was probably confessing to a few close people that I had a bit of a "crush" within a matter of a few weeks. She was sassy and genuine and didn't seem to have any trouble putting her opinions and ideas forward and I liked that. She had an amazing smile and we got each other's humor. I have always been a sucker for a person who could master the art of the pun!

When Tiger and I tell our "story," it changes as we change. How it felt and what I thought was happening for me at the time is different from the story we are able to tell together now one year later. Anyone who knows us, however, knows that we were both cautious, intentional and what we jokingly call our "courtship" was really a combination of nurturing a friendship and negotiations on what sort of relationship we wanted to build.

Despite the fact that we are both pretty darn decent communicators, the past year has not always been a breeze. We have been incredibly fortunate to have plenty of time to get to know each other and the fact that we do genuinely enjoy each other's company on multiple levels has been a delightful gift. I tell people that with two women our age, we really have to sift and sort and work with a combined CENTURY of history, experiences and "baggage"--not always an easy task. But when it comes down to it, the truth is, I really like her. She is smart and challenges me mentally and intellectually; she is definitely someone to laugh with; she is deep and compassionate and intensely passionate; and for now, we "work"--we just seem to fit as we deepen our understanding of each other.

Yes, I know, it is still so early in the whole scheme of things and we remind ourselves of that constantly. Despite all that we have crammed into the first twelve months, we really are still bumbling along at the beginning. I am okay with that; I dig being a part of this unfolding and changing story.