Clarity and Perspective

I have just returned from another international trip. I tend to be somewhat thoughtful and restless when I get home from such a big adventure. The work is unpleasant, but I do appreciate the opportunity to get myself out of my own cultural context and experience what the world looks like from another viewpoint. As a matter of fact, I LOVE that part!

I am wrestling a bit with what it means to be 42...and what it means that my life is in the place that it is. Surely I am not the only person to be slogging around in middle-age and wonder what it is that I am actually doing?! I find that while some things seem painfully obvious and clear, other things get a little muddier. My capacity for floating in the grey area increases with age and I am not exactly sure if that is a good thing or not...

I am not someone who has had a very clear vision of what I should be doing or even could be doing with my life; I've meandered a bit and tried on different hats and I still am not sure where I fit into the puzzle. While many people have found love, prosperity, and settled down into a life that fits them perfectly--I am still feeling my way around. In my mind, I cannot help but wonder what else the world has to offer? and I am forever wondering what wonderful surprise is going to happen next? These character "flaws" seem to stand in the way of settling down and settling in.

Traveling helps me to remember that people all over the world are leading personal lives. There is not just one way to go about things and I feel connected with a bigger adventure when I get out and meet some of my fellow travelers. I also find that I have less patience for wasting my time with things that make me miserable. Life is so amazing and so short, why should I be spending it doing things that contribute to my suffering? I love the shift in perspective I get when I come back into my world...we'll just see where it takes me this time!

Embracing Summer...

Not much blogging lately since I have been consumed with work, a trip to Copenhagen, Denmark, and some general restlessness in my world. I can say that it IS summer as far as I am concerned (even if the calendar shows a couple weeks to wait) and that I feel my favorite season taking over!

While I feel those imminent and necessary changes ahead, I also feel the lovely pace of the summer months taking over as well. There is softball (yes, playing on the softball team again at the age of 42; not sure what is up with that!) and friends and family and activities stretching out over the next several weeks. I am a slacker at heart--prefering a slow visit over some fabulous wine to trying to climb the corporate ladder (I wouldn't even KNOW a corporate ladder if it fell on me, really.) The universe has been good to me and I continue to meet amazing people and have amazing adventures. Okay, maybe the buckets full of money haven't found their way into my world yet, but it could still be coming...

Memorial Day weekend has come and gone--the weather is starting to to cooperate; I've had an afternoon sipping beers with a beautiful gal by the pool, I cannot help but have my brain shifted into summer mode. At last, I couldn't be MORE ready...

Channeling Inspiration...

Shirley Partridge was my idol growing up. Of all the TV moms, she was the one who most represented the "type" of mom I saw in myself. Strange that when I was a kid, I didn't think too hard on the fact that she was a single mom! When I look back now, I can't help thinking "Of course..."

I always imagined I would have a half-dozen unique kids and I admit that it has been many years since I have thought of myself as anything but a solo parent. To be honest, as the years slip past and I get older and older, it is tougher and tougher for me to imagine anything else! I'm fine with it. Occasionally, I wonder what it would have been like if things had been different in my life but it is a wondering I shake off quickly--what is the point in fussing over things that never were?

So, what was it about Shirley Partridge as the quintessential fictional mom that worked for me? I think the fact that she was tough and feminine, completely independent, and seemed to be both mom and friend to her kids. She definitely wasn't the "my mom's my best friend type" and seemed to always be the one in charge. But her teenagers DID sit down at the breakfast table and talk about current events and dating. Shirley worked from home and built up the "family business" with her kids and, darn, she was hip while being completely age-appropriate. She was cool but not skanky; lovely but not too thin or suburban. In fact, there was something much more urban out Shirley Partridge than most other TV moms.

So, when times get rugged and I wonder what exactly I am trying to accomplish, I imagine myself standing face-to-face with Shirley Partridge. Whether it is trying to stretch a limited income, generate some extra cash flow, support and encourage my kids, or negotiate the dating scene as a forty-something single mom, I come back again and again to asking: What would Shirley do?