Finding Time to Hang with Stuart

Last night, Stuart and I watched "Citizen Kane" together. We have been trying to carve out mutual time to watch this film for weeks! It sounds horrible, but it gets harder to get together on such things the older they get--first, we put the movie on hold at the library and it came in when I was in Indianapolis/Ann Arbor. We had to re-reserve it and with all of the graduation and end-of-school-year chaos, it has taken us another two weeks to have a quiet night, just the two of us, to eat ice cream and Cheeze-its and watch the old classic. While all three of my kids are incredibly different from me, we all manage to have a few things in common. Stuart and I have a passion for movies and an interest in debating politics and social policy. He too likes to look at things from every possible angle and look for connections, humor and trends. Stu and I do NOT always agree which is part of the fun. He will gladly debate with me the qualities of contemporary films like "Superbad" and thinks "Grease" is the worst movie ever made--but we also find ourselves on the same page when it comes to our mutual dislike of a movie like "No Country for Old Men." When we compare our "top 100" lists, we have several picks in common...

It is not so much about agreeing, however, but it is really about having a way to connect. Stu and I can always get a conversation going by asking if either one has seen any movies lately AND if we touch on the political or social policy headlines of the day, we could be chatting for hours. That is a mighty good thing to have with a sixteen year-old!

Stuart was an incessantly inquisitive little boy--always wanting to dig in to the "why" of everything, then he went through a very opinionated black-and-white thinking stage in his early teens. Now, while he seldom shies away from offering opinions when pressed, he also genuinely mulls over other people's comments and opinions and is fun to discuss and debate with. Additionally, with his passion for history and his growing interest in literature--he KNOWS things and that makes it incredibly interesting too! BUT, he is developing into a really fantastic listener too which is the hallmark of a good communicator. It is somewhat surprising as a parent when you start to realize that your kids have surpassed you in terms of their knowledge, interests, talents and skills. I find it incredibly delightful.

So, back to "Citizen Kane"--Stuart did NOT think it deserves the honor of the greatest movie ever made (I think that he suggested "Pulp Fiction" should be in the top five), but it stood the test of time in that he "got" it and could take it seriously. We had a rousing discussion afterward about what we thought it DID have and what did and did not work for us. Eventually though, the old woman (meaning me) got tired and by 11:30, I'd had all the deep debate and discussion I could manage.

Milestones, Accomplishments and Anxiety...

I just cannot say enough about the past couple months of change, anxiety and excitement. I have focused so much on what the girls have been going through as I report on our transitions but I realize when I look at pictures like this one that I am changing and transitioning too. I have noticed the past few weeks that things are evolving and shifting on so many levels that when I look at photos of myself, I realize that just as the girls are not the same little girls who used to help me in the vegetable garden, I am not the same person I was ten or twenty years ago either. We have influenced and changed each other.

Sure, there are the wrinkles and the grey hairs and the inevitable effects of gravity--but there are all the unseen results of motherhood to celebrate too. I would NOT be the person I am now if it wasn't for the journey I have had with all three of my kids. I can thank THEM for the never-ending challenges, rewards, and lessons. What a wonderful gift to celebrate!

A June Like No Other...

It has been almost indescribable--the excitement, stress, tears, tantrums, laughter, reminiscing--with two daughters graduating it has made this June intense and overwhelming. Just when I was getting used to the idea that my kids need me less and less, I was suddenly jolted back into nonstop parenting, support, and triage. Not to mention I seem to not be able to keep the checkbook closed for long these days either.

I have no doubt in my mind, however, that we are all absolutely ready for the challenges of the transition. Unlike some who think that since it is crazy and disorienting, it must mean that no one is ready, I believe that it is SUPPOSED to be crazy and disorienting. That is how major life changes and developmental leaps are meant to be. We lose our footing, fall apart, and are forced to let go of our old way of being in order to make room for the new. We stumble and get scared and curl up into a ball and wonder why on earth we ever thought we could handle it--and then, we gradually move forward. We do what we have to do, what we are compelled to do, even though we are scared and pretty soon we are inhabiting our new life.

Lucy and Lilly can definitely use the prayers and well-wishes, but they are amazingly strong, creative, and unique individuals. Wherever they go and however long it takes them to get there (personally, I hope they take the long route and enjoy all the chaos and surprises along the way), I feel incredibly proud and confident that they have what it takes. They are so brave and courageous and both always willing to go to the emotional and genuine places. There is absolutely no way they can be anything BUT amazing!