Lucy starts at the University of Oregon

I spent Friday afternoon on the University of Oregon campus with Lucy and Meli--first we bought Lucy's books, then went to get Meli's and then I took both girls out to lunch at Rennie's. Meli then invited me to see her dorm room--it looked as though she'd been there a term instead of just one day!

I was in good company, wandering the trails and weaving in and out of energetic youngsters with the other middle-aged parents, carrying my wallet. I confess that while I am sure Lucy is finally feeling like a college student, I was totally feeling like "the mom." Sheesh, it only seems a couple years since I was helping her get acclimated to kindergarten!

Well, she worked hard to get here and she starts her first official term at the University with 36 credits--one term and she's officially a sophomore. She has her books, she has a bike, and she couldn't be more ready for classes to start tomorrow. Strangely enough, I think I'm ready too. I feel incredibly blessed that she wanted me to be a part of the process and I think we are both relieved to see all the hard work and paperwork come to fruition...

Feeling Good...

After a rock and roll summer and over a month of feeling under the weather, I have made some major changes to my diet and activity level. After a month of an increasingly boisterous exercise regime, I find that I look forward all day to my work-outs. Of course, as an easily bored air sign, I do different activities every day and I like it that way, but I'm loving it and feeling good. The food and diet part doesn't get me nearly as excited as the movement, but I'm feeling good about what I'm eating (and not eating too.)

The kids have been great and have been both encouraging and good sports about the changes. I feel so lucky that they are old enough to like brown rice more than white and to be quite content trying healthy recipes without complaining. Of course, they are also old enough to go out and get their own junk food when they crave it.

I have already done one great purge of my closet and while I have only slipped down one size so far, that all seems incidental--it is really about the health, the energy and feeling better than I have felt in a long time...

Out and About in the Pacific Northwest

While I try not to take the fact that we live in the amazingly beautiful Pacific Northwest for granted, I do sometimes forget to express my gratitude for such a marvelous climate and a town that makes it easy to get out and about. Whether taking a walk on one of the many trails that run near our house (and along the Willamette river) or taking in a parade, Saturday Market or other outdoor event, we really are lucky to live in such a laid back and accessible place.

My kids are good ones for getting out and about and now that we have passed the isolating teen years, they are generally all up for doing something and getting out and about. Whether it is a walk or a trip to the market or even a museum, play or movie, I find that there is always at least someone in the house who also wants to get out and experience a little fresh air and weather.

This time of year is ideal--the temperatures have cooled a bit and the air is relatively smoke-free. The rains haven't started yet but we know they could any day and this adds a bit of urgency to our desire to get out and about and enjoy the days before the wetness makes it a little more challenging!

Embracing Autumn...

It seems to creep up on us and suddenly Summer is over. The weather has suddenly turned cool (much to Stuart's glee) and we are starting to talk about things like Halloween and Thanksgiving. I am preparing for a trip to Germany in mid-August and wondering how that will affect all of our typical fall plans. I should get back just in time for Halloween, as long as there are no unforseen travel upheavals.

Meanwhile, Lucy starts college and we are all saying good bye to another season. I found this fabulous picture of the kids when they were little, draped over a picnic table I built from a kit in our backyard in Indiana and it seemed the perfect reminder of autumns past--many pumpkins have met their jack-o-lantern end in the autumns that have slipped passed since this photo was taken. I am quite certain that Lucy must have been about 4, which makes Lilly 3 and Stuart (in the Barney hat) 2. I still intend to make a bit of a fuss over the first official fall holiday--and then we'll have election day, Thanksgiving...

Politics, Passion and Involvement

There has been a lot of political talk going on around our house lately. We have always been one of those families who talked over current events and tried to stay abreast of what was going on, but the times seem to be calling for a bit more than talk.

It is inspiring for me to see how much my kids know and care about what is going on and it is incredibly exciting to see a new generation willing to step up and vote, get involved and try to understand what is going on and how it affects the lives of those around them. Between Lilly playing Obama rap & hip hop songs to the lengthy discussions Stuart initiates wanting to examine all different aspects of issues and concerns, I am being challenged to renew my own interest and involvement.

I recently joined a new board. I took a hiatus from boards, committees and volunteer commitments after nearly 20 years of nonprofit work a couple years ago. I needed a break, I felt burned out, used and as if I couldn't get excited about any causes or issues after two decades of fund raising, head banging and negotiations. I can honestly say I was feeling jaded and bitter. Now I have joined the Q Center board here and while I will be feeling my way to see what I can do and how I can help, I am feeling inspired to get involved and "do something" about the issues I care about.

I feel very strongly about being out and open in my life--as a queer woman and a single mom; I have always felt that I owed it to my kids (if to no one else) to try to stand up and stand out and be as open and honest as possible. I also believe we all have to do what we can, day by day, even if it is in little bursts and pieces--we have myriad choices every day to learn more, get educated, stand up for others and get involved. I have recently realized that while it is time for my kids and their peers to step up and get involved, I've still got a few years left in me too...

Always More…

“There is always more”—this is one of those phrases I have used with my kids since they were tiny. Anytime someone got upset over the last cookie or a broken toy or things got a bit too competitive or deprivation-oriented, I would remind them that there is always more, this isn’t the end, it all just keeps coming. Even if someone did use the last of the milk, we can simply go to the store and get more.

Of course, this little reality morsel works on several different levels. Sometimes it is not the pleasant stuff that just keeps coming, but the challenging stuff as well. There is always going to be more trials, tribulations, difficulties, heart-break, worry and sadness too. I do not think there is a way to reach a place (other than death) where life can be lived fully without experiencing these things too. Regardless of how short life is, a great deal of “more” gets crammed into every day.

I’ve been a little maxed out lately and in all fairness, I think all four of us have been. Life has been changing fast—there have been big worries, big losses, big changes and I see that all four of us are being called to change along with these realities. I would be lying if I claimed there wasn’t any resistance and that we were all jumping right in with both feet and big smiles.

These past couple weeks, we tried to watch as much of both party conventions as we can. Stuart and Lilly have become almost the convention junky their mother is. Meanwhile, there were hurricanes and storms, and articles all over the New York Times about all the “More” in everyone else’s lives all over the world. It can be tough to focus on all those people who have it worse when one is just trying to keep from blowing away, but we’ve been trying. It can be even tougher to keep getting up every morning and not want to bury one’s head in the pillows and covers and sit this one out.

Still, we keep getting up. I have felt such incredible gratitude for having the three most amazing kids in the world. I look at them and can’t believe what strong, creative individuals they are and I am constantly incredulous that they still want to spend time with me and with each other. All those intense years of play and argument and the three of them are now such close friends, defending each other and able to just hang out together for hours. We’ve been through a great deal, the four of us, and I have NOT always been the grandest of mothers, but you would never know it to look at us now. They make my bloopers seem less major.

A moment of gratitude in the midst of the bustle and turmoil and transition. People have come and gone, as have jobs, interests, money, love, etc. and there is this little core that while it is changing—it is solid too.

There is always room, there is always something, there is always more…

Changing of the Seasons...

It is September...this is the week that Stuart starts school and it seems very strange to only have one child left in public school. As a junior in high school, there isn't much left of this part of the adventure for him either. At the risk of sounding irritatingly sentimental, it only seems a few years since his first day of kindergarten! Even though when I look at him, I definitely see a 16 year-old, somewhere there is that freshly-scrubbed and ever-reluctant 5 year-old too!

Meanwhile, the season is definitely changing here. It has been cool at night and we have had some rain and bluster. The past two mornings have been a bit cool and misty as well. There is no doubt that summer is going to be forced to give way to Autumn. Lucy is getting ready to start at the University of Oregon, Lilly is still trying to figure out what she wants to do and I am going through some seasonal transitions as well. This autumn seems particularly poignant and obvious--perhaps since we had such a busy and full summer.

I definitely feel as though we are part of this larger shifting of the seasons--we are paying close attention to what is going on politically, I am planning my trip to Germany in mid-October, I have a few different friends who are moving and going through some big changes as well, and there is an uncertainty in the air as to what sort of "winter" we will all face. Obviously, there is nothing we can do to stop the changing of the seasons and I don't imagine I would want to change the process anyway.

"The Book"

I started the novel just about a year ago--maybe a little more than a year ago and I worked diligently--like a woman possessed through the fall and winter. As those of you who know me realize, I am not a novelist--I've never completed a full fiction piece in any traditional sense. The process was a learning one and one that was emotional, cathartic and intense. When I finally finished the first draft and edited it through a couple times, I had to put it aside for several months just to gain some perspective. My initial reactions were odd--I hated huge chunks, wondered who had actually written other passages, and was just generally not feeling like much of a writer at all!

6 months later and I WAS able to go back and start to work through it again. Yes, there were weak parts (there still are, really) but I was able to come at it all again with some fresh eyes and more objectivism. Anyway, it is done. Well, it is done for now and ready to move onto the next step. It could use some strong editing, I'm sure, but the time has come to try to find a home for it.

Again, anxiety, nerves, emotions--am I feeling tough enough to start out on a path of inevitable rejection--at least in the short term? I know, you would think it was something major instead of something as ordinary as the writing and pitching of a silly little novel. It begins a whole new process and a whole new learning experience. The creating, working and polishing is one process and the pitching and trying to find a publishing home is quite another. Meanwhile, to keep myself sane, I have already started on another project...