December, Here We Come...

Thanksgiving was a blast, I admit--very mellow and playful and my kids were fantastic! They all pitched in with the meal preparation and clean-up and we had a great time talking over "family history" and such. The day AFTER Thanksgiving is traditionally "Decoration Day" and they stuck around to help get the house in shape for the Christmas month. Things are festive, the fridge is full of leftovers and it has been a very full weekend. How lovely to have four days off to spend with my kids!

Tomorrow brings us back to reality, however, as we are all back to the real world of responsibility, holiday preparations and such. Lucy has finals coming up, Lilly is trying to get all her paperwork done to get back into school, Stuart is recouping from so much social activity and Kori has a list a mile long of tasks to be accomplished. Regardless, we are in good company with everyone else facing long task lists. It is so strange to realize that 2008 is nearly done--where did it all go?!

Can Life Get Any Better?

I know that sometimes I come off as the gushing, dopey optimist and I'm afraid that sometimes I am! I am hopeless--I adore my kids, feel incredibly blessed to have a warm home, full cupboards and soft pillows, and I find that the world sends me constant surprises and re-affirmations. What could be better?! Of course that doesn't mean that I DON'T get frustrated, overwhelmed, moody and wonder what challenges might be coming around the corner--but overall, I cannot help but feel incredibly fortunate and grateful.

These photos show my kids very recently--this past summer at my Grandpa Tuff's funeral standing with my Grandma Peggy and when they were little--a trip the four of us took to the Oregon coast in 1996 or 1997. I was talking to a friend just yesterday about how incredibly blessed I feel that my three kids genuinely like each other and make an effort to get together. Yes, there is a bit of teasing and bickering and there have been some big "disagreements" over the years--but the three of them are close--they like each other and appreciate the similarities and differences.

Last night, Stuart, Lilly and I watched "Dirty Dancing" and laughed hysterically at the dated, formulaic film. I'm looking forward to the next few days of cooking, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, eating, a trip to the movie house to see "Milk" (Stuart and I), Decorating Day (we get out all the Xmas decor the day after Christmas and I named it "Decorating Day" a few years ago) and the intense feelings of appreciation I feel at having built this family. Sure, they are all heading in different directions but that only seems to bring a richness and intentionality to things. I cannot help but look around and ask myself how one earth could life get any better?! I certainly am one of the luckiest women ever...

Thanksgiving!

No, this is not me--nor do I imagine it is any one's imaginings of what things might be like in the kitchen at our house. But, truth be told, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It definitely was NOT when I was a kid (I was not a fan of holidays really at all as a kid--they seemed to be fraught with so much, uh, dysfunction.) In reclaiming my life as an adult and a mom, however, Thanksgiving has evolved into one of those times when my kids and I really connect. Of course, we have a bit of Turkey day historical dysfunction ourselves but as it is now, we dig it.

The key to the evolution of Thanksgiving? Everybody gets to do what they want. I repeatedly tell my kids that they are under no obligations whatsoever--nothing is carved in stone and they can go anywhere or invite anyone or we can adjust Thanksgiving to be whatever we want it to be. I'm not even married to the idea of the "traditional" turkey! The day gets tailored to fit the requests of those attending, nothing has to happen at any specific time, and I totally enjoy the planning, process and chatting as much as anything.

The strange gift of single parenthood and divorce is that I "got over" any fears I might have had about spending holidays alone years ago. I've spent several Christmas days completely on my own now and found they were incredibly pleasant--especially compared to some of the horrors of forced family functions I knew before. So, no guilt, no obligation and the focus in on people getting to do what they want. I hope it has freed my kids up to make their own life choices and I hope that it won't take them 15+ years to learn how to follow their guts and instincts like it did their mom! Now, don't get me wrong, I think tradition is great--but it is especially great when you get to choose it willingly.

The reality is that our Thanksgiving may look more traditional than you'd imagine--Lucy and I watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade; the brined and roasted turkey and the baked ham; my new dining room table set (with the leaves extended for the first time!) and a toast with sparkling cider--but I love knowing that it could morph into anything and we would have just as lovely a time regardless. It makes me feel incredibly thankful to have come this far...

The Busy-ness of Winter

This winter seems to be shaping up to be a busy one. I'm alright with that since it does not feel at all manic or overly-busy, but the dates on the calendar are definitely filling up.

It is strange, but I am not really feeling the pangs of the impending empty nest and I am pretty sure that it is because my feels so full and expanding. Of course, I have learned that things move in cycles--there are those dark and sequestering times as well as the more expansive social ones. As a writer, I have learned that I need a balance of both. I absolutely HAVE to have the time to do the writing work, but if I don't get out and about and involved and meet new people, I don't have anything to write about!

Meanwhile, as my kids move around in the world, it takes more effort for us to get together but we all seem to be working at it. I am going for no guilt and flexibility. Meanwhile, my kids are making room for my other interests (they are quite used to it) too. I have recently taken over as the local leader of our lesbian social group--the Eugene Lavender Womyn--and have been busy learning the ropes of web site management, e-mail lists and other details. I finally felt like I had the space and time in my life to take on such a task.

With the holidays approaching, a new novel germinating and the constant call of events and activities, this winter is shaping up to be a comfortably busy one!

Gearing Up for Giving Thanks...

For the past few days my thoughts have not only turned to grocery lists and recipes, but also the gratitude and appreciation for life's gifts that seems to descend upon me this time of year. I absolutely LOVE Thanksgiving and while that hasn't always been the case, in the past few years it has become a pleasant little holiday for my kids and myself. Both Lilly and Stuart would claim it is one of their favorites. Every year is a little different but since I have claimed cooking and decided that regardless of how many people gather around my table, I really like to be home--Thanksgiving has become a wonderful holiday.

I think that part of what has become so wonderful about Thanksgiving is that while it has taken me many years of adulthood to claim autonomy and get control over my life, I am finally very much the person and parent I was meant to be. I have been attempting to embrace both talents and flaws--there is nothing like middle age and a house full of maturing teenagers and young adults to force a person to get good and comfortable with who she really is! I enjoy the opportunity to take stock, give thanks, and celebrate all the abundance and comfort I have come to appreciate.

There are things I do well and those that I do not do well at all. There is something about this time of year that helps me to appreciate things as they are, and not how I might have wished they would be. So, as I pour over recipes and make trips to the store, I am also thinking about all of the elements of my life and how they come together perfectly--especially when I get out the way and just embrace what IS!

Getting More Involved

I know that I wrote about cleaning house and settling in and that has been a fantastic way to get refocused and reinvigorated. I found myself getting more involved in issues that matter to me this past week and I'm not feeling a bit of regret.

In addition to marching, chanting and joining with hundreds of my neighbors here in Eugene for a protest rally, it was exciting knowing that our protest was going on simultaneously with hundreds around the country. While we live in an amazing time and change is on the horizon--there is still so much to do in regards to human and civil rights around the globe. I may not be able to do much, but I can get involved on whatever levels I can here in my own back yard.

Additionally, I agreed to take over the local leadership of a networking and social organization for lesbians/queer women. I really hadn't considered taking on such a big project for a while because I have been focusing on other things. My recent joining of the Q Center board, however, whet my appetite for community involvement and I find I have more time to dedicate to the causes that matter to me. There are those times when we are called upon or at least when we feel the tuggings to get more involved, do what we can, and dedicate ourselves to things bigger than ourselves and our own back yards. It was great to see so many people out in the cold this morning and it was great to experience the amazing power of modern grassroots organizing.

Breathing, Settling and Sore Muscles

The road to the current weight loss of almost 25 pounds has involved a gradually increasing amount of activity and exercise--which I love. To be honest, I've become a bit obsessed and my kids have gotten used to my getting home from work and immediately putting on my sweats and sneakers and heading out for 45 minutes or so of sweating. It is partly the movement which I love and partly the fact that it provides me with a chance to decompress, breathe and settle.

As a typical air sign who is easily bored, I seldom do the same activity two days in a row but have found it amazing how quickly my stamina has increased and my desire to do MORE has grown as well. Those almost daily walks of my "old life" have become a combination of daily gym work-outs, jogs and vigorous walking, as well as choosing more walking, stretching and activity overall. While this does mean some sore muscles, it seems a small price to pay. My kids have been willing to join occasionally and we have had many a good chat over a brisk Sunday morning or weekday evening walk along the many fabulous trails throughout our neighborhood. This past Sunday morning, Stuart and I headed out for a walk before getting bagels at our neighborhood bagel store, but when we arrived, the shop wasn't open yet, so we tacked on another half-hour of walking and talking before finally gathering our fresh bagels and "lite" cream cheese and heading home with the Sunday papers.

While it is not a major lifestyle shift, strangely enough the focus on a healthier diet and increased exercise has added a great deal of grounding, focus and quality of life to my daily existence. Since I deny myself (or my kids) nothing, instead of a feeling of deprivation, there is a feeling of expansion and getting more out of every day--who knew?

Cleaning House...

A weekend spent cleaning house can be a fabulous way to shift perspective. While I felt I already had put my house back in order after returning from Germany, this past weekend seemed a bit more therapeutic. It seemed that it wasn't just about hauling trash and vacuuming the unseen corners, but also about renewing my focus on projects and people. I've started a new writing project and spent lots of time with all three of my kids--walking, cooking, talking, watching movies.

It can be so easy to get off track without even realizing it. With such a focus on local and national politics, my recent trip and other things--I think I was feeling a bit off-balance. I needed to commiserate with some of my gay friends over recent political horrors, but I also needed to focus in again on what I do--taking care of my family, my writing work, and staying in tune with ordinary life events.

Like everyone else, I have no idea what the coming months will bring. I have certainly been affected by recent events in terms of my savings and financial investments, my concerns for my kids and the future, and my own sense of stability--but I also know that there is only so much I can do without feeling the weight of the whole insecurity on my shoulders. I tend to kick myself for every little mistake and to a grand extent--most of what is going down is completely out of my control.

So, I've cleaned house--out with the clutter and the unnecessary distractions--just in time to settle in for the winter and focus on the people and things that matter.

Post-election...

Like many gay people, I have ambivalent feelings following the historical and monumental election here in the U.S. this past week. While I feel gratitude for living in a time when we have seen our first bi-racial president elect, I feel sadness and anger over the passing of more anti-equality measures in Florida, Arkansas, Arizona and California. I remember well the surges of frustration I felt a couple years ago every time I would see a "One Man One Woman" bumper sticker or the "Yes on 36" signs here in Oregon when the discriminatory ballot measured passed here, and it has all been brought back with Proposition 8. For those of you who haven't experienced it, it is amazingly disheartening knowing that friends, neighbors and family members are still casting votes to ensure that discrimination and unequal rights continue.

As a mom, tax payer, community volunteer and someone who considers herself an all-around citizen, I know I am in good company with my many gay friends. We all have families, homes, pets and are generally contributing to the well-being and livability of the communities in which we live. We may not be super-human, but we are at least human! I confess that as all three of my kids braved typical rainy Oregon weather to be at my house on election night, I felt incredibly blessed to have such smart, interested and involved kids--who wanted to share the evening with their mom. They cared, Lucy voted, Lilly pounded the pavement for Obama and all three of them had intelligent opinions about current events. It is strange to acknowledge that their gay mom has less rights than any of the heterosexual people they know--the person who birthed them, raised them and who continues to be so involved with their lives.

I know that I will get past the anger and the sadness and continue to be involved--certainly even more involved than I have been. I truly wish I could be celebrating and enjoying the dawn of the new day that the election of a new president is bringing to many but as long as there is any inequality in America, there is inequality for all...

Coming Home, Halloween and Weight Loss

I was incredibly ready to get home from my recent trip to Germany. Not that Germany wasn't a lovely country and it certainly was a challenging adventure, but I was ready to be home. I missed my kids and got a bit run down while traveling. So run down, in fact, that I got a nasty cold and it took a bit of effort to manage my health. All is well, however, and I returned home just in time for Halloween.

Halloween was pretty low-key but the kids all wanted to carve pumpkins and we made an evening of it--they didn't need my help, of course, but I think I definitely needed to be there! In fact, they saved the activity for my return and regardless of my complaints of remnant cold and jet lag, they all three insisted I buck up!

Coming home also gave me the chance to stand on the scales and see that I have reached the first 20 pound mark in my attempt to get more fit. It was quite challenging to manage my diet while in Germany but I got plenty of exercise hiking up and down hills and stairs. I was actually expecting to gain a little so I was pleasantly surprised to find I am still on track and still losing gradually. It is strange to be on the wane after all this time since my weight/size have not been vanity issues for me. If it wasn't for the health scare in August, I probably would not have made the lifestyle changes that are leading to the weight loss and improved health!

So, as November unfurls, it is gorgeously fall-like here in Oregon. I have already had a couple weeks of European fall (and it is not all that different--a little colder maybe.) I am trying to get grounded back into my world and to figure out what has been going on with my kids. I have to admit that it has been great to walk my own neighborhood trails again and get back on the stairmaster!