You Just Never Know...

The holidays can be a rugged time for gay/queer people--I just want to put that right out there in a bold opening sentence. The truth is, many have been estranged from family and supposed loved ones for at least a portion of their post-coming-out lives, others may still be sorting through feelings of rejection, different-ness and alienation. Not to mention that there can be constant reminders of holidays, people and places PAST.

We face the precariousness and marginalization that the holiday season brings up: Will our partners be accepted by our families', kids, friends, etc? How will we merge and blend all the areas of our lives? Can we bring our partners to the office party? church party? block party? (or can we even mention their names out loud?) And how do we even know that those people who are civil to our faces aren't the very ones who are gay bashing, hate mongering and voting against anything that might provide basic rights or equality for LGBTQ people? Have you ever stopped to imagine what it is like to have to be cordial, civil and respectful to people who may not be the same way back? Or people you KNOW may walk into the next room and tell a sexist, homophobic, racist or otherwise icky "joke" or anecdote?

In my dream world, here are the very basic ways that LGBTQ folks would be treated during the holiday season:

1. Holiday cards and letters would be addressed to both partners--even if it means taking up an extra line!
2. Invitations would be extended to both partners in a respectful way.
3. Family members would refrain from bigoted comments, remarks, and "jokes" for the entire month of December.
4. Family members and supposed loved-ones would use the preferred pronouns, names, etc. for the entire month of December.
5. Refrain from bringing up painful past events: Who really needs to be reminded of the holidays he/she/they missed when Mom and Dad weren't talking to him/her/them because of coming out, moving out, or other life changes?
6. No pressure to go to church, say the prayers, attend mass, etc. so that our sinful ways can be absolved.

In the past few weeks, I have unwittingly stumbled upon hurtful, bigoted and anti-gay comments, stories, Facebook pages, etc. and I have heard the pain in others' voices as they described holiday cards where partners were obviously omitted--it is not okay, regardless of whether it is to be expected or not. Here's the thing, we KNOW you are out there, we experience the hatred and inequalities on a daily basis and many of us work tirelessly for advocacy and change because of your very attitudes and actions. Could we just have a break during the holidays and could you keep the hate, fear and ignorance for yourself for maybe four or five weeks? We have to walk the high road and put up with it every day of our lives, but in the spirit of the season, we'd like a little peace as well...