Stepping Up...

There has been a lot going on--work, home, personal, public. The ongoing challenge for me is to find a way to balance it all and pay attention to what needs attention. Unfortunately, I don't always do the most fabulous job at that. Additionally, my own ego and emotions have a tendency to assert themselves at the most inopportune time. As much as I want to do everything perfectly, that just isn't always possible.

Teri's sister and brother-in-law have been visiting for the past week. As much as I tried to juggle my work schedule, I have had some responsibilities to tend to and probably could have been more attentive both at home and at work, but instead, I'm juggling. On the other side, I am still learning what is expected of me in both places. It is one thing to be striving to build a relationship when it is just the two, another to figure out who fits where in the larger scheme of things. There are unique realities to being involved with an identical twin that I find I am completely unprepared for. I thought I had relationship skills but they are woefully underdeveloped!

At work there is a culture I am negotiating; at home I find there is also a new culture that must be negotiated as well. I know it must be possible but I'm still trying to figure it out. What I have learned is that I need a little help in stepping up. I know that I need to get to a more competent place and I imagine that is one of the realities of relationships and continuing down the path of personal journey. When we first get into something, we imagine that we can do it perfectly. Of course, humanity and time take over and inevitably, we become a real person struggling with real challenges. It is up to me to figure out how to step up...

A Little Sunshine, A Little Play, and Feelin' Groovy

I was starting to think I was borderline clinically depressed; I was wondering if it wasn't perimenopause, hormones or some uncontrollable physical condition causing me to feel off, crabby, and generally un-satisfied. The fact was that I (and thousands of other Oregonians) just needed some bright sunshine, warm days and some play!

Saturday, we waited with grumbling baited breath for the clouds to clear and the long-promised sun to arrive. Sure enough, by around 11 am, the blue sky shone through and it started getting warmer. Teri and I were joined by our friend Vicki (who lives in Salem) and my son Stuart as all four of us got on our bicycles and rode the trails, paths and lanes to the Saturday Market. We had lunch, sat in the sun, swatted at bees and wandered around as the afternoon warmed up. We even checked out the new Voodoo Doughnuts--lingering over our sugary confections.

After Stuart headed off, Vicki, Teri and I rode up to Shelton-McMurphy-Johnson house and then home along the very busy river trail. After a brief nap in the afternoon breeze, we three got dressed and headed out to the Hotflash dance to get our groove on with the fantastic and energized crowd of ladies. Whooo Hoo!

Riding, dancing, gardening and eating fresh watermelon and pineapple--what joys! Sunday morning, we sat out on our deck in the sun and ate chocolate chip pancakes as we also sipped our hot coffee. While sitting there, I noticed a strange looking little bug and realized that we had baby ladybug larvae! The ladybugs had done their thing and the new babies are hatching in the garden! Teri and I were ecstatic.

We will likely get a little more rain in a few days but then more sun is promised. It is not nearly as warm today but just the brightness: the blue, the breeze, the waving and bending trees make a huge difference in my temperament. As I told Teri on Sunday morning after miles of riding and plenty of dancing: I feel ten years younger! And all it took was for the clouds to part.

Summer, Summer, Where Are You?

We have been in a holding pattern--waiting for summer amidst quarts and quarts of rain. The last few days have brought a little break and the garden is shaking itself off and trying to take advantage of some warmer, dryer days to GROW. About a week and a half ago, Teri and I purchased 1500 ladybugs (okay, not all of them were actually alive) and set them free throughout the garden. There are still plenty out there (I am not sure where they went during the relentless downpours)and it is such a delight to wander through the garden and see them speckled among the plants.

Some of our early-planted "experiments" have not made it through the damp, cool period. Yes, I am THAT sort of gardener--one who risks weather and time to try to extend the growing season. The good thing is that we have an attitude of positivity about the whole thing and it is only the melons that didn't make it. Some cucumbers endured serious snail and slug attack but they seem to be bouncing back. Teri brought me some replacement and different melon plants yesterday and I plan to find space for them in the garden today (it is a perfect, overcast, transplanting day.)

It isn't just the garden that is ready for summer, but I am too! I want to do summer things, eat summer food, and just generally slip into the mode and joys of my favorite month. I know its coming, it is just that my patience is drowning in all this rain...

More Fun Please...

Things have been busy! Lots of work, worry and just general grown-up stuff and not nearly enough sunshine and play. Of course, the weather has had something to do with the feelings of heaviness but busy schedules and long "to do" lists have also contributed.

Teri and I got very spoiled in that neither one of us was working the "real" job for several months and despite all the transitions we waded through, we still got to spend a great deal of time with each other. It was a decadent gift and now that we are back to the real world, I miss it!

I know that summer is on the horizon (if ever the rain clouds clear long enough to let the sun peek through) and that should bring more fun activities, visits and general play. I find that I am very protective of my free time--I just don't want to spend it doing things or being with people that require too much "work"--it IS leisure and relaxation that I am craving, after all.