Intention...

I am not particularly young...in a couple weeks I will be welcoming my 43rd birthday. When I look at pictures or look at myself in the mirror sometimes it seems the reflection is exactly what I expecting at other times I look older or younger than I am imagining myself to be. Regardless of what the mirror image shows, the truth is that I have bumbled and stumbled through 43 years of living...

I know myself better now--much of the time I know why I am reacting to things the way I am; I recognize triggers and patterns and all those "acts of living" that person my age OUGHT to recognize, but this doesn't mean that I sail through every day without a smidge of moodiness or any rough patches. In fact, after 43 years, there are a hell of a lot of triggers to sift through on a daily basis!

Cohabitation is a gift; my growing relationships are a gift; and most definitely the connection I have with Tiger is a gift--but this doesn't mean that any of things come easy all the time. SOME of the time, they are incredibly easy--there are days when I am chatting with my nearly 20-year-old daughter and we have the smoothest of conversations and I think, "Man, this is getting so easy!" There are other days when I am not sure why we are misunderstanding each other. In many ways, falling in love at this age has been the easiest adventure ever--I took my time to choose someone I respect and adore; we communicate well and have some really strong, shared values and similar life experiences to draw on. In other ways, the intention that is required to sculpt together a combined century of experiences can be overwhelmingly challenging. I have never been one to gloss over the stumbles of realities so I am not afraid to say that there are moments when I have abolutely no idea what I am doing.

I know myself most days and I feel that I face each day and each choice with a level of intention I didn't have when I was younger. There are still times when I am not really sure WHY I am reacting to things the way I am. I still have no idea where I am going and I try not to pay much attention to wondering where I will end up (we all end up in the same circumstance at the end anyway right?)What I do know at this age is that I am constantly making choices--every day is a choice; my relationships are a choice; the work I do is a choice; to give and receive love, understanding and affection is a choice. I know that at this juncture, I am living my life with intention...