April Showers...

Supposedly the saying is that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb but as we face the last couple days of March, it actually feels more like January! Rain, wind and snow in the mountains all remind us that it isn't exactly the mellow warm season yet.

Still, I have been riding my bike to work (as has Tiger) and despite the wet bluster, I am actually starting to ENJOY it! I like knowing that I am getting some activity and exercise without having to do much planning around it and it couldn't be easier for me to get to work by bike. It takes some bundling and willingness to be uncomfortable, but I'm learning how to deal with that a little better too.

The other evening, Tiger and I went for a nice walk though the neighborhood--something we hadn't done in a while. Despite the fact that both of us bike up and down Park Street almost daily, we hadn't really been off into the other parts of the neighborhood since everyone's Christmas lights were still up. It was fun seeing all the blooming flowers and smelling the fresh-cut grass (granted, this was on Saturday evening--the one warm sunny day we have seen in the past several and folks had been out getting whatever yard work they could accomplished during the day.) We are still getting a feel for our new neighborhood and we mused that we were in the midst of our second season in the house on Willow Avenue.

So, even if March is NOT going out like a lamb, maybe the upcoming April showers WILL bring May flowers...

The Crash

As I have been biking more and more as a mode of transportation, I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually have an accident. As Tiger and I were biking for an afternoon at the bookstore, I attempted to get up on the sidewalk via a business driveway to avoid a car smushing in on me and there was a graduated and lumpy lip on the driveway. I landed face first on the pavement and fortunately came away with basic surface injuries. Helmet was on and I do think the hard plastic visor that extends from my helmet helped keep me from battering my face up more than I did.

No stitches, no broken bones and the bike was fine as well. I figured it could have been worse--that loosely driven car could have hit me or I could have crashed in the street instead of up on the sidewalk/driveway pavement. While my vanity has been triggered, I really am quite lucky and quite grateful to be fine and healing rather rapidly.

The crash has not deterred me in my resolve to continue learning how to be a bike commuter! The next day, Tiger and I both mounted our bikes and rode off to have coffee with the ladies before riding to the mall for lunch and, finally, for a delayed visit to the bookstore. Tomorrow, despite predictions for continuing rain showers, I will be heading out to work on my bike again. I know the exercise is good for me, I actually enjoy the effort and the process and I feel really great about continuing my determined efforts to drive cars as little as possible.

I am also hoping that my meager efforts will inspire others to give it a try. Yes, I know I am in my mid-forties and not exactly anyone's idea of a bike commuter--middle-aged, a bit on the heavy side, and I don't have a fancy bike or fancy gear. HOWEVER, it is relatively easy, feels great and every little bit we all do is important.

Will You Marry Me?

With all the confidence in the world, I swore I would never get married again. I just couldn't imagine finding someone that I could, in all good faith, imagine committing myself too on such a level and I was also a bit scarred and jaded by thwarted attempts in the past. I was as confused and conflicted as the next person when I started thinking that maybe I really had finally met "the one" and been lucky enough to merge my life with hers.

It was a sloppy proposal and no, I did NOT get down on one knee. I was mulling and fussing about it for a while and she basically encouraged my confession. While I am enough of a realist to know that I cannot possibly predict the future, what I do know is that I want to be with this person. I am committed to her and I like what "Us" is all about.

So, I find myself engaged and planning a wedding at the age of 43. There are five excited kids, friends who are jumping in with hugs and well-wishes and family members to be informed. The ceremony is important to us--even if the state of Oregon only recognizes domestic partnerships for same sex couples. We have every intention of doing everything we possibly can to make our commitment solid, legal and representational of our connection to each other. This, of course, means that we have stepped into the middle of an evolving debate. What does our partnership mean and how can we legitimize our family and our partnership all the while celebrating the uniqueness that is US and battling the realities of being treated as second-class citizens?

We know that while our marriage is personal and fueled by love and companionship, it is also political and controversial. We know it as we tell our friends and family members and we know it as we prepare to live the rest of our lives in partnership with each other. I refuse to make light of the fact that our getting married takes courage, commitment and a willingness to carve out something new even though it really "shouldn't" be that way.

I am lucky; I have met the most amazing woman in the world and managed to get out of my own way long enough to convince her to entangle her life with mine. I have no idea what the future will bring but what I do know is that we are a team; we are in this life together and I am grateful...

A New Professional Chapter

Sometimes, the universe seems to have plans of its own. I have long believed that when things fall into place in a near-magical way, it is important to take heed and listen to the directions the universe seems to be advocating. About two weeks ago, I woke up realizing that it was definitely time to go back to work and that perhaps, getting back into nonprofit management might be where I could be the most valuable and find some fulfilment. Yesterday, I sat around a table at the Community Alliance of Lane County (CALC) and discussed the particulars of my new job as Co-director (Development and Administration.)

This dynamic local organization works to promote, educate and mobilize for peace, human dignity, and social, racial and economic justice. I am excited to be working for an organization whose mission I can support 100% and it is also amazing to be hired not only for my years of nonprofit experience but also because I am an out and active lesbian. It dazzles me. I am looking forward to immersing myself in diversity and social justice causes and I get to do many of the "fiscal" and "development" things that I am good at.

While my career has taken some twists and turns and a few years ago, I was convinced that I really needed a break from nonprofit, it is intriguing to find that I am back in social and public service and it feels a bit like coming home...

Simple Pleasures

Scaling back and getting my feet back under me have become a major focus as this year unfolds. While I definitely don't anticipate an "easy" ride for the next several months, I am focusing on trying to feel a bit grounded again after a year or so of very major, very heavy changes. Tiger and I call our little bungalow here on Willow Avenue our "Practice House" and for me, it is all about rejuvenation, reinforcement and just focusing in on the ordinary simple realities of life in order to bolster myself for more of the inevitable.

I am trying to take notice of the little things and soak up the obvious pleasures--a full moon rising in a sky full of fluffy clouds, a brilliant spring sunrise all pink and blue, the new seedlings poking their heads up in the freshly dug garden beds. I cannot help but see this as an opportunity to refocus on the things that I enjoy, the things that feed my soul, and the things that give me pleasure.

Kids continue to grow up and stretch out (across the country really) and my own life continues to unfold in directions that I would have never predicted. I can't worry about the future right now, I can only fall in and float in the present. Surely there will be more changes, more funerals, more comings and goings, and the best thing I can do right now is to just be in it--RIGHT NOW.