Grandma Peggy

My Aunts asked if I would write the Eulogy for my Grandma Peggy's passing--she died a couple days ago at the age of 79:

There are those who crave fame and influence—striving to get the world at large to pay attention and take notice; and then there are those individuals who through their dedication to the ordinary details and attachments of life actually create and influence an entire world around them. Peggy Nickson was this woman; a woman who built a family, influenced an extended circle of friends and, with her husband Darrell, shaped an ordinary corner of the world into something special.

There was something forever reliable and steadfast about Peggy—whether as mother to her children Darrell “Skip”, Janice, and Aileen; or as a daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother, or friend, she was one sure presence in a world that was forever changing. It didn’t matter what the circumstance or how insecure, challenging or unpopular, here was a woman who would step in with an understated grace and do whatever she could to nurture and care for the real people struggling and affected. The Nickson home was one where the door was always open and there was always room at the table, a warm bed, and a listening ear for those who needed an understanding dose of family—and Peggy was forever at the heart of that growing and inclusive family.

Peggy just seemed to know that life was in the ordinary living of the details—the pot of hot coffee or a cold beer, the drawer of toys that always seemed to have something different in it, forty years’ worth of coloring books that lived in the coffee table, or the ever-changing display of recent photos and postcards. It was so easy to spend hours at the Nickson home simply visiting because both Peggy and Darrell had an easy way of just being present—you knew if you stopped by, they would take time, sit down and simply share themselves.

Peggy would drop everything to be there when friends, family and neighbors were having a difficult time—she was definitely one to take in “strays”—whether it was one of the many cats or dogs that found a home; or one of the many people who found a family. One of the elements that made Peggy so incredibly special was that she had the ability to reach out and support without ever seeming judgmental—a person just felt welcome, accepted and loved without feeling judged, regardless of the situation or circumstance.

Never one to shy away from progress, Peggy somehow managed to seem “hip” in the way she embraced new appliances, products, and technology. Instead of shunning the arrival of the computer, Peggy was emailing grandchildren into her eighties. Despite her very solid and dependable demeanor, Peggy was definitely not someone who was afraid of change or adjusting with the twists and turns of life. She was willing to try the “newest,” keep up with politics and current events, and learn how to evolve with the changing world. She was always quite the perky presence in her jeans and Keds as she chauffeured kids, ran errands, or headed off for the weekly trip to Bi-Mart.

Through it all, Peggy had an easy sense of humor and it was not hard to get a smile or laugh out of her. She delighted in hearing stories of life’s adventures and it didn’t matter how young or old you were, she seemed to be able to relate to whatever tales and trials you were going through. She loved to hold babies, tend to children, and was likely to make sure everyone had a beverage, a snack and something to do. She was always willing to share her latest crochet project (she had a fondness for bold yarn colors and seemed to be always working on another afghan), her gardening attempts at thwarting the determined deer, or an organizing or home improvement project. For someone who came across as so easy-going, Peggy always had projects in the works.

In middle-age, Peggy became an avid genealogist. She painstakingly collected records and information on family history and was proud to share all that she discovered with family and friends. She connected with distant relations and discovered generations of connections and data as not only a personal project, but as an offering to her family. Through her efforts, photos, details and a better understanding of the “family tree” are available to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

It is impossible to sum up the entire life of a person in a few paragraphs; just as it can be extremely challenging to try to pin down a focus or a purpose for one person’s life. Each person here today has memories of time with Peggy; each person has an idea or opinion of who she was and what she stood for. She was known as Mom, Mother, Aunt Peggy, Grandma and many other warm monikers and it is through all these attachments that the incredible life of Peggy Nickson takes shape. If Peggy and Darrell Nickson set out to do anything together as young, beautiful, teenage lovers, it was to build a family. Blowing together from their two separate directions, they determinedly and lovingly provided the roots of stability and protection that branched out in dozens of directions. Peggy did not try to mold each individual to fit a structured idea of what that family “should” be, but instead she was the inspiration for celebrating all the differences and uniqueness that each new addition brought to that “family” tree. She was forgiving, accommodating and always willing to give a little bit more of herself—while she will be missed for all her strength and maternal dedication, it is likely that all of us who have been touched by her life, will carry some of that open warmth and acceptance with us as we reach out into our worlds.