Getting More Involved

I know that I wrote about cleaning house and settling in and that has been a fantastic way to get refocused and reinvigorated. I found myself getting more involved in issues that matter to me this past week and I'm not feeling a bit of regret.

In addition to marching, chanting and joining with hundreds of my neighbors here in Eugene for a protest rally, it was exciting knowing that our protest was going on simultaneously with hundreds around the country. While we live in an amazing time and change is on the horizon--there is still so much to do in regards to human and civil rights around the globe. I may not be able to do much, but I can get involved on whatever levels I can here in my own back yard.

Additionally, I agreed to take over the local leadership of a networking and social organization for lesbians/queer women. I really hadn't considered taking on such a big project for a while because I have been focusing on other things. My recent joining of the Q Center board, however, whet my appetite for community involvement and I find I have more time to dedicate to the causes that matter to me. There are those times when we are called upon or at least when we feel the tuggings to get more involved, do what we can, and dedicate ourselves to things bigger than ourselves and our own back yards. It was great to see so many people out in the cold this morning and it was great to experience the amazing power of modern grassroots organizing.

Breathing, Settling and Sore Muscles

The road to the current weight loss of almost 25 pounds has involved a gradually increasing amount of activity and exercise--which I love. To be honest, I've become a bit obsessed and my kids have gotten used to my getting home from work and immediately putting on my sweats and sneakers and heading out for 45 minutes or so of sweating. It is partly the movement which I love and partly the fact that it provides me with a chance to decompress, breathe and settle.

As a typical air sign who is easily bored, I seldom do the same activity two days in a row but have found it amazing how quickly my stamina has increased and my desire to do MORE has grown as well. Those almost daily walks of my "old life" have become a combination of daily gym work-outs, jogs and vigorous walking, as well as choosing more walking, stretching and activity overall. While this does mean some sore muscles, it seems a small price to pay. My kids have been willing to join occasionally and we have had many a good chat over a brisk Sunday morning or weekday evening walk along the many fabulous trails throughout our neighborhood. This past Sunday morning, Stuart and I headed out for a walk before getting bagels at our neighborhood bagel store, but when we arrived, the shop wasn't open yet, so we tacked on another half-hour of walking and talking before finally gathering our fresh bagels and "lite" cream cheese and heading home with the Sunday papers.

While it is not a major lifestyle shift, strangely enough the focus on a healthier diet and increased exercise has added a great deal of grounding, focus and quality of life to my daily existence. Since I deny myself (or my kids) nothing, instead of a feeling of deprivation, there is a feeling of expansion and getting more out of every day--who knew?

Cleaning House...

A weekend spent cleaning house can be a fabulous way to shift perspective. While I felt I already had put my house back in order after returning from Germany, this past weekend seemed a bit more therapeutic. It seemed that it wasn't just about hauling trash and vacuuming the unseen corners, but also about renewing my focus on projects and people. I've started a new writing project and spent lots of time with all three of my kids--walking, cooking, talking, watching movies.

It can be so easy to get off track without even realizing it. With such a focus on local and national politics, my recent trip and other things--I think I was feeling a bit off-balance. I needed to commiserate with some of my gay friends over recent political horrors, but I also needed to focus in again on what I do--taking care of my family, my writing work, and staying in tune with ordinary life events.

Like everyone else, I have no idea what the coming months will bring. I have certainly been affected by recent events in terms of my savings and financial investments, my concerns for my kids and the future, and my own sense of stability--but I also know that there is only so much I can do without feeling the weight of the whole insecurity on my shoulders. I tend to kick myself for every little mistake and to a grand extent--most of what is going down is completely out of my control.

So, I've cleaned house--out with the clutter and the unnecessary distractions--just in time to settle in for the winter and focus on the people and things that matter.

Post-election...

Like many gay people, I have ambivalent feelings following the historical and monumental election here in the U.S. this past week. While I feel gratitude for living in a time when we have seen our first bi-racial president elect, I feel sadness and anger over the passing of more anti-equality measures in Florida, Arkansas, Arizona and California. I remember well the surges of frustration I felt a couple years ago every time I would see a "One Man One Woman" bumper sticker or the "Yes on 36" signs here in Oregon when the discriminatory ballot measured passed here, and it has all been brought back with Proposition 8. For those of you who haven't experienced it, it is amazingly disheartening knowing that friends, neighbors and family members are still casting votes to ensure that discrimination and unequal rights continue.

As a mom, tax payer, community volunteer and someone who considers herself an all-around citizen, I know I am in good company with my many gay friends. We all have families, homes, pets and are generally contributing to the well-being and livability of the communities in which we live. We may not be super-human, but we are at least human! I confess that as all three of my kids braved typical rainy Oregon weather to be at my house on election night, I felt incredibly blessed to have such smart, interested and involved kids--who wanted to share the evening with their mom. They cared, Lucy voted, Lilly pounded the pavement for Obama and all three of them had intelligent opinions about current events. It is strange to acknowledge that their gay mom has less rights than any of the heterosexual people they know--the person who birthed them, raised them and who continues to be so involved with their lives.

I know that I will get past the anger and the sadness and continue to be involved--certainly even more involved than I have been. I truly wish I could be celebrating and enjoying the dawn of the new day that the election of a new president is bringing to many but as long as there is any inequality in America, there is inequality for all...

Coming Home, Halloween and Weight Loss

I was incredibly ready to get home from my recent trip to Germany. Not that Germany wasn't a lovely country and it certainly was a challenging adventure, but I was ready to be home. I missed my kids and got a bit run down while traveling. So run down, in fact, that I got a nasty cold and it took a bit of effort to manage my health. All is well, however, and I returned home just in time for Halloween.

Halloween was pretty low-key but the kids all wanted to carve pumpkins and we made an evening of it--they didn't need my help, of course, but I think I definitely needed to be there! In fact, they saved the activity for my return and regardless of my complaints of remnant cold and jet lag, they all three insisted I buck up!

Coming home also gave me the chance to stand on the scales and see that I have reached the first 20 pound mark in my attempt to get more fit. It was quite challenging to manage my diet while in Germany but I got plenty of exercise hiking up and down hills and stairs. I was actually expecting to gain a little so I was pleasantly surprised to find I am still on track and still losing gradually. It is strange to be on the wane after all this time since my weight/size have not been vanity issues for me. If it wasn't for the health scare in August, I probably would not have made the lifestyle changes that are leading to the weight loss and improved health!

So, as November unfurls, it is gorgeously fall-like here in Oregon. I have already had a couple weeks of European fall (and it is not all that different--a little colder maybe.) I am trying to get grounded back into my world and to figure out what has been going on with my kids. I have to admit that it has been great to walk my own neighborhood trails again and get back on the stairmaster!

Last Minute Details

No matter how organized I think I am heading into a conference and a trip, everything starts to unravel in the final days. I am *almost* used to this--I know that it is coming but when those phone calls, e-mails and problems start popping up, it can still take its toll on my peace of mind!

Since I am not footloose and fancy free, any trip out of town means getting all my home ducks in a row, work ducks in a row, and tending to all the details to make sure 300 people have a relatively pleasant time for a full week. For those of you who travel, imagine that instead of just organizing your own travel and accommodations, you are arranging for flights, trains, shuttles, accommodations and other details for 2-3 dozen people, and then throw in the general conference details and 200+ registrants on top of that. I know there are those who coordinate much bigger events, but for the likes of me, this is plenty of stressful detail to fuss over!

So, the final few days tend to be a bit stressful. The moment comes, however, when there is nothing left to do but throw the bags in the van and get myself on that plane--when I step off in Frankfurt, I will need to be focused and ready for six straight days of work and attempt as much Zen-ness as I can muster. Believe it or not, I look as forward to coming home at the end of two weeks as I do to getting the conference underway and getting to visit other people and places.

Heading to Germany...

There are only a few days before I am again getting on a plane and heading across the pond. This time, I am off to Germany for a conference and will hopefully do a little exploring in the Black Forest area and over into South-eastern France. Mostly, it will be work but I am trying to extract a little pleasure and adventure out of it as well.

Meanwhile, there is a household and three kids to prepare for my absence. Lucy is getting in a groove at the U of O but it is still a huge adjustment. Stuart and Lilly are in typical transition as well. I have absolute confidence that they will all be fine, but that will not stop me from fussing a bit and trying to make sure everything is in order for my absence. As of today, we are all healthy and all the bases seem to be covered (knock on wood.)

It has been the most incredibly beautiful fall so far and I'm a little bummed that I won't be around to enjoy the decorated house, the brisk weather and the amazing colors--but I am looking forward to seeing what Germany and France have to offer too! I will be back just in time for Halloween and the officially start of the holiday season!