Launching...

This is a photo of my amazing kids taken probably 13 years or so ago. Stuart, Lilly and Lucy--all dressed up for Easter (my favorite holiday). I am absolutely devoted to my kids even though as of Friday, only one remains at home...

My oldest daughter, Lucy, will be 19 in less than 2 months and she is deeply entrenched in college life as a Biochemistry major at the University of Oregon. As of Friday, my second daughter, Lilly, is now living in San Diego and stretching her wings big-time with a grand move and all the optimism in the world. While I am absolutely prepared for these launching years, I am also absolutely NOT READY!

It helps to know that I am not alone and I have been blessed with much support and understanding from other moms who have been through the launching and others who are exactly where I am--in the midst of it. It also helps that I can remember very clearly (as if it was just last week) what it was like to be 17, 18, 19 and eager to break away and get out in the world and experience things on my own. Still, I'm the mom now and after working to keep everyone healthy, safe and thriving for almost 2 decades--it is very strange to wander an almost-empty house and be packing up all belongings to send along with departing children.

I know that I have done my job--they are supposed to be ready to take on the world; I also want them to know how supportive I am and that I will stand behind/beside them whether they sink, swim or sail! It isn't about what they do really, it is about the journey anyway. Still, there are plenty of tears on my part and I find myself starting to weep at the most unpredictable moments. It is sort-of like a break-up, only even more painful! Plus, one doesn't get a complete break from the other person--there are still those "miss you" phone calls and requests for favorite recipes, forgotten movies, money and such. It isn't as clean as a break-up and while a parent has to "let go" in some ways, it is impossible for us to completely let go!

I don't get to choose what they do or where they go, AND, I am fortunate to have a very full life with plenty of friends, activities, work and projects--but I don't know if that really makes it any easier or not. I know we are connected and we remain connected but it absolutely has to change--that is how it is supposed to be. Still...

Meanwhile, my son has the run of the house all to himself and I know he is very focused on finishing up his G.E.D. so he can take on the world in his own way too. My maternal emotions tell me to hang on and try to keep the last chick in the nest, but my instinct and overwhelming love for my kids tells me to encourage and support his growing independence too. Of course, I will savor whatever months I have left with him at home and of course, should one (or more) of those chicks need to climb back into the nest for a while I will be completely welcoming--but I understand that the launching years are about my NOT getting in the way of their flight and managing all my maternal emotions in a way that doesn't interfere with the intended process. As my mother said when I told her about Lilly's departure: "I'm so sad for you but I'm very happy for her." And, that is how it supposed to be...